Scientology’s Front Porch to Infinity Flooded by El Nino Storms

Flooded Front Porch of a Guam Residence

The Church of Scientology’s brand new front porch to infinity, the same porch just celebrated by COB RTC David Miscavige at the New Year’s Eve event, was flooded today by severe El Nino storms in Hemet, California.

“Front porch access to infinity is blocked until the floodwaters recede,” said Church spokesman Ken Delusion. “Scientology parishioners will need to access infinity using the service elevator at the Celebrity Center for the next few days.”

“Temporary RTC-authorized Celebrity Centre infinity elevator passes are available to IAS Platinum status members and higher for $25,000 each and are good for five rides to infinity,” Delusion noted.

“OSA is investigating those Int Base crims who pulled in this flood to sabotage COB.”

8 responses to “Scientology’s Front Porch to Infinity Flooded by El Nino Storms

  1. Well I guess my command postulate they make it through the front door won’t be happening anytime soon.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. But at the same time Captain COB is pleased he now has waterfront property

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Will Captain Davey confess to having pulled this event in or will he blame it on the SPs in the internet fringe?

    Liked by 1 person

    • The Psychs used NWO contrail weather planes to create El Nino in an attempt to ruin COB’s 2016 “Front Porch of Infinity” tech. And the storms ruined COB’s newest meadow of flowers that Tom Cruise and wife candidate #4 were going to run through this weekend.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Everyone there can wear hip boots except Miscavige, he will need a wet suit and to be carried on the shoulders of Tom Cruise. OSA will carry the whole load. It’s Scientology…no worries!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. With the front porch flooded, we cognited an intention to check on the back porch. Imagine our surprise when we saw a path leading from the back porch leading to an rickety outhouse perched on a low hill.

    We followed the path and knocked on the door and were stunned to hear the voice of source bellow out, “Hang on…I’m almost done…I’ll be out in a billion years!!”

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Flood, my Aunt Fanny: Miscavige’s jacuzzi sprang a leak, that’s all.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I admire how COB always solves things perfectly.

    Liked by 1 person

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