Scientology Boss David Miscaviges Assigns Jared Fogle to Create Pedanon

SOFUCOB RTC David Miscavige has assigned new Church of Scientology spokesman Jared Fogle to the Sea Org Felons Unit (SOFU).

A unit within OSA, SOFU is the successor of the Guardian’s Office and engages in handling special situations for COB.

Given the massive multi-million dollar statcrash of Narconon, COB has tasked Fogle with starting Pedanon, a treatment center for pedophiles and other sex offenders. Those sent to Pedanon by a court can qualify for $30,000 in government funds.

Pedanon

Pedanon will treat pedophiles and other sex offenders by using a sauna and megadoses of niacin to run out the radiation and other toxins in their bodies that cause pedophilia and other unnatural desires. Managed by the unnamed Executive Director of ABLE, Pedanon has a proven 75% success rate.

“It’s not like we in the Church of Scientology are winning any popularity contests these days,” Mr. Miscavige candidly remarked. “Moreover, we are in desperate need of new sources of cash. Whereupon, we see pedophile and sex offender treatment as a lucrative and untapped source of government money. No one wants these people in their communities. However, our Pedanon treatment centers will gladly feed and house these degenerate and degraded beings in exchange for large sums of taxpayer cash.”

“And best of all,” added Mr. Miscavige, “if we in Scientology beat, abuse, or otherwise financially exploit pedophiles or sex offenders in our Pedanon treatment centers it’s not like the public or the media is going to care. This is a tailor-made money-making opportunity for the Church of Scientology.

4 responses to “Scientology Boss David Miscaviges Assigns Jared Fogle to Create Pedanon

  1. PEDANON will begin meeting every Friday at 11:00 pm on Hollywood Blvd. Jered will bring subs.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. “COB RTC David Miscavige has assigned new Church of Scientology spokesman Jared Fogle to the Sea Org Felons Unit (SOFU).”

    Well good for Jared!!!!!!! What an opportunity!!!!! It seems this young man is going places and is wasting no time in getting his Non-E formula completed so that he can find out what is needed and wanted. For some reason in this video documentation of his activities, he goes by the handle ‘The Jesus’ instead of Jared. I guess that is just part of the latest policy COB has implemented to throw off SPs when they try to google a Scientology staff member’s real name in misguided efforts to discredit them and prevent planetary clearing. Just remember though, nobody fucks with The Jesus and nobody fucks with The Jared!!!!!!

    Like

  3. Bawahahahaha!

    Like

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