All Scientologists are like Schrödinger’s cat in the box: They are simultaneously in good standing and not in good standing with the Church. If a radioactive legal particle adverse to the Church […]
New Edition: Ecclesiastical Lawyer Monthly!
Tom Cruise Opens an Exclusive Chain of Scientology “Puffy Face” Beauty Clinics!
“I love the new me,” said Scientologist Tom Cruise. “The old me had a face that was too thin and gaunt. I looked anorexic. I like the new fuller ‘puffy-faced and overfed […]
Tom Cruise Spontaneously Combusts!
Shortly before the Reverend Cruise spontaneously combusted during the Scientology Media Productions fundraising telethon, he experienced a moment of reverie and anaten. This occurred as Reverend Cruise was asking Scientologists to reach […]
Scientology’s A Team Ready to Clear the Planet
Scientologists Greta Van Susteren, David Miscavige, Louis Farrakhan, and Tom Cruise stand ready to engage in Fair Game, Disconnection, and using all other Scientology Technology to clear the planet and build a […]
A Word from COB RTC David Miscavige
At the opening of the Atlanta Ideal Org, COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige took time in his speech to remind Scientologists that Scientology isn’t just about wearing racoon hats and opening new […]
“Operation Rescue Tom Cruise” Announced by Oprah Winfrey Network
“Between Leah Remini’s Troublemaker and Alex Gibney’s Going Clear the spotlight on Scientologist Tom Cruise has become far too intense,” declared Church of Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion. “Tom Cruise is freaking out […]
Scientology Boss David Miscaviges Assigns Jared Fogle to Create Pedanon
COB RTC David Miscavige has assigned new Church of Scientology spokesman Jared Fogle to the Sea Org Felons Unit (SOFU). A unit within OSA, SOFU is the successor of the Guardian’s Office […]
Scientology Boss David Micavige Defends Hiring of Jared Fogle as Church Spokeman
Despite wide public outrage following his hiring of disgraced Subway pitchman and child sexual predator Jared Fogle to be a new Church spokesman, Scientology boss David Miscavige has refused to bow to […]
Troublemaker at Flag Land Base
“COB became VERY HIGHLY ENTURBULATED to learn that Leah Remini’s interview on 20/20 drew 8.2 million viewers,” declared Church of Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion. “COB’s ruds were thrown out so violently that […]