Scientology Boss David Micavige Defends Hiring of Jared Fogle as Church Spokeman

Jared.1Despite wide public outrage following his hiring of disgraced Subway pitchman and child sexual predator Jared Fogle to be a new Church spokesman, Scientology boss David Miscavige has refused to bow to pressure and fire Fogle.

“The Church of Scientology is not about winning popularity contests,” said Miscavige. “What the Church is about is money and Fogle is a proven moneymaker who helped Subway sell billions of mediocre sandwiches in fifteen years.”

“Jared Fogle believed in what he was selling and that made him credible to the masses — and that includes myself” Miscavige added. “Indeed, it was because of Jared Fogle that I learned to savor a hot and meaty footlong late at night.”

DM.12Miscavige was emphatic in stating, “we in the Church of Scientology refuse to have our actions dictated by the stupid and deluded wog culture we are trying to save.”

“Why to hear all of the bigoted wog Scientology haters talk, Scientology needs to stop the beatings, disconnection, fair game, and our system of religious prisons. But those very things are what makes Scientology so uniquely Scientology.”

“We’re not going to give up our doctrinal practices because of wogs bitching about us — and we’re keeping Jared Fogle as part of our new Scientology Media Productions.”

“Look,” Miscavige concluded, “there was this same bigoted wog hating last year when the Church of Scientology announced our religious whaling program.  But what happened? We ignored the haters and began religious whaling. The bigots can hate on Scientology all they want, but it changes nothing. The tax-exempt Church of Scientology will continue to do whatever it damn well pleases.”

4 responses to “Scientology Boss David Micavige Defends Hiring of Jared Fogle as Church Spokeman

  1. It’s refreshing when a global ecclesiastical leader makes a firm stand against religious persecution and bigotry.

    Trivial concerns about child molesting and slaughtering whales fade into insignificance when the whole agonized future of one’s spiritual eternity are at stake. I’m sure Mr Jarad Fogle is fully worthy of the trust Captain Miscavige so nobly places in him.

    75 million years from now who will remember a few minor sexual peccadilloes of those who enabled man to climb out of the mud and enjoy a dazzling new future free from crime, war and insanity and bask in the golden era of Scientology’s omnipotence and splendor

    Andrew

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Always attack….Bravo Captain Miscaviage!!

    Hey Hey…Ho Ho….Only the Captain is in the know!!

    Hey Hey…Ho Ho…Jared Fogle is good to go!!

    Hey Hey…Ho Ho…STFU and give us your dough!!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Jaree Fogle has the perfect mindset and skills to run Scientology/ Narconon. Watch out Miscavige he has his eye on your job. You both take meetings while SCOHB.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Captain Miscavige has been known to enjoy a hot and meaty foot long for years – not that there’s anything wrong with that.

    Liked by 1 person

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