Tag Archives: Sea Organization

Applications now being accepted for the Sea Org One Billion Year Smoking Club!

* Do you like smoking cigarettes and lots of them? We do too! So does COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige! So did L. Ron Hubbard!

* Do you like the idea of smoking cigarettes while working for a billion years to clear the planet? We do too! So does COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige! So did L. Ron Hubbard!

Now you can have the best of both worlds by joining the Sea Org One Billion Year Smoking Club! Benefits include a bunk, rice and beans, and a theater usher uniform! Plus you get to be in a fake Navy! Applications now being accepted! Past LSD use is no longer a problem! In fact, if you have a pulse and can walk you’re welcome to the Sea Org!

Scientology + Heavy Cigarette Smoking = Thetan Satisfaction!

We in Scientology are not a Cult!

sea_org_members1

We in Scientology are not a Cult! Plenty of religions have paramilitaries, prisons, beat their clergy & conduct interrogations on members.

Scientology Boss David Miscaviges Assigns Jared Fogle to Create Pedanon

SOFUCOB RTC David Miscavige has assigned new Church of Scientology spokesman Jared Fogle to the Sea Org Felons Unit (SOFU).

A unit within OSA, SOFU is the successor of the Guardian’s Office and engages in handling special situations for COB.

Given the massive multi-million dollar statcrash of Narconon, COB has tasked Fogle with starting Pedanon, a treatment center for pedophiles and other sex offenders. Those sent to Pedanon by a court can qualify for $30,000 in government funds.

Pedanon

Pedanon will treat pedophiles and other sex offenders by using a sauna and megadoses of niacin to run out the radiation and other toxins in their bodies that cause pedophilia and other unnatural desires. Managed by the unnamed Executive Director of ABLE, Pedanon has a proven 75% success rate.

“It’s not like we in the Church of Scientology are winning any popularity contests these days,” Mr. Miscavige candidly remarked. “Moreover, we are in desperate need of new sources of cash. Whereupon, we see pedophile and sex offender treatment as a lucrative and untapped source of government money. No one wants these people in their communities. However, our Pedanon treatment centers will gladly feed and house these degenerate and degraded beings in exchange for large sums of taxpayer cash.”

“And best of all,” added Mr. Miscavige, “if we in Scientology beat, abuse, or otherwise financially exploit pedophiles or sex offenders in our Pedanon treatment centers it’s not like the public or the media is going to care. This is a tailor-made money-making opportunity for the Church of Scientology.

Captain Flag Land Base: Come and Work for Sea Organization!