Presidential Candidate David Miscavige Wins CNN Debate


Post debate surveys indicate that presidential candidate David Miscavige won the CNN debate by historic orders of magnitude,” said Scientology Director of Polling Dr. Eldon Weiner.

“Our initial poll reached 12,000,000 Clearwater and Los Angeles area residents who said candidate Miscavige won by a margin of over 9000% — the largest debate win ever in world history. Voters said that Mr. Miscavige’s comm cycle — unlike that of the wog candidates — was clear, concise, and decisive.”

Mr. Miscavige outlined additional points of his political platform:

— Harsh prison sentences for SP’s who make so-called documentaries that seek to harm legitimate religions. “Whereupon,” emphasized candidate Miscavige, “the US military needs to invade London immediately, and I mean this evening, and lock up Theroux, Dower, and Chinn before their SP film attacking Scientology premieres in London.”

–Restricting voting rights to those who have reached the Scientology states of Clear or OT. “Excuse me for being blunt,” said Mr. Miscavige, “But your average homo sap is so pumped full of Psych drugs that he or she doesn’t know their ass from a hole in the ground. Only Scientology Clears and OT’s can be trusted to make sane and rational decisions.”

–Shutting down the Fed and giving control of the US financial system to the Church of Scientology.

–The use of UN Security Forces to seize illegal e-meters and shut down the international black market trade in fake Nigerian e-meters. “The world cannot allow these pirates to flood global markets with fake e-meters that give imprecise reads and thus hopelessly bog, flub, and red tag pc sessions. We know the kingpin, the ring leader, here is the terrorist mastermind Usman Bello. He must be brought to justice! His trunk boxes full of fake e-meters must be destroyed!”

–Driving the homeless, illegals, wogs, SP’s, 1.1’s, sexual perverts, downstats, and all other pantywaisted dilettantes into the oceans and drowning them.

–Seizing Canada and the rest of Upstate New York to end the rampant moral turpitude occurring in that sector of Teegeeack.

–The need to introduce a Scientology-based curriculum in public schools. To this point, Mr. Miscavige promised to appoint Scientology OT Wally Hanks to be his Secretary Education. Hanks has a proven track record of effectively handling problem children:

7 replies »

  1. That’s our little Davie. So tan, so charismatic, so belligerent! Why, he makes other politicians look like amateurs in the art of the strong-arm, and isn’t that what politics is all about in the end?
    Tell him Chocolate Velvet is much impressed by this. Well done, David! But, when I see him again I have a little gift for him, and it will leave marks on his behind.

    P.S. If I ever meet Wally Hanks in person, I will give him a big dose what I have to give David when he goes off the rails. Whip a child, will you? Well, let’s see how you like it when someone stronger and more grown up than you offers you a chance to take what you dish out!

    I mean really, OTVIIIIisGrrrr8! Are there no real, morally whole men left in scientology? I gave up on David a long time ago, I put up with him because he amuses me — but these guys (and gals) who act in his name are just beneath contempt.


    • CV, you have a misunderstood. The purpose of Scientology is to make the able more able; in other words Scientology strives to make the wealthier even wealthier so they can donate more money to go up their Bridge to Total IAS Patronage.

      Wog morality is an aberrated computation implanted 51 trillion years ago by the Psychs. We seek to erase all such aberrated computations and rebuild homo saps into COB’s vision of a race of Homo Novis with Black Amex cards and plenty of cash to flow to COB.

      Mr. Miscavige is savoring his debate triumph with Tom Cruise. They have donned their matching IAS fleece snuggies and have gone into their secret “Fortress of OTness” for the evening with champagne, poppers, and other unusual and whimsical novelties.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. At least David Miscavige isn’t bringing loads of unneeded “body thetans” to the scene like the other candidates.

    Only OT 8s should be allowed to debate be President! Who wants to listen to those other candidates who are still full of “body thetans” we don;t know who is talking! Some BT or the real person?

    Xenu is crushed! Terl loses again!

    If only the human rat brains knew how pure David Miscavige is.

    Xenu’s Wall of Fire Engram is falling! Leaders who are “body thetan” free are emerging.

    It’s a new civilization all you wog rat brains!


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