We in the Church of Scientology Deny Attacks on HBO’s Going Clear Documentary

JZGCommanding Officer, Social Media Unit OSA Int Captain Josef Gorman today denied that the Church of Scientology was contacting members of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences (AMPAS).

“These Academy members,” said Captain Gorman, “can certainly vote for any documentary they choose. However, to give an Oscar to Going Clear is an act of religious hatred.”

“Or at least that is how we feel in the Church of Scientology. After all, we in the Church stand for strong moral and ethical values. As such, we are opposed to decadent films, trashy novels, and the vulgar torrents of filth seen on the internet. Our sacred duty, you see, is to create a planet without war, crime, or insanity.”

When asked what sort of movies committed Scientologists should watch, Captain Gorman responded, “We in the Exec Strata of Church management favor films  whose main characters are coldblooded and ruthless when it comes to the only thing that matters in life and that is money. For this reason we like this scene in  Glengarry Glen Ross that accurately convicts the essence of the Church Scientology.

2 responses to “We in the Church of Scientology Deny Attacks on HBO’s Going Clear Documentary

  1. A simple rule to remember: if no family pets have been drowned, then no attacks by Scientology have occurred. Besides, only 47% of Academy members own pools.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. “We now stand at the cusp of whole track history –factually, literally.” Chairman Miscavige

    This is an actual tweet from @ScientologyLife

    Liked by 1 person

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