Scientology Issues Warning: Don’t Solo Audit While Driving!


“The gruesome photo says it all: New OT VII Rod Black of Los Angeles Model Ideal Org #129 was driving while solo auditing.”

“He pulled it in, I mean, his being decapitated,” said Senior C/S WUS Gloria Maddox.

“But you can’t really blame Rod for losing his head because he was getting so many gigantic and monster blowout wins on OT VII with his Platinum Ultra Mark VIII e-meter.”

“Nevertheless, and moreover to prevent a contagion of such sudden and euphoric exteriorizations in the future, COB RTC David Miscavige today issued a new policy forbidding solo auditing while operating any motor vehicle, boat, submersible, or any horse-drawn conveyances such as stagecoaches or wagons.”

“With 105,000,000 people now on SOLO NOTs, the planetary conditions are changing for the better dramatically. We can’t afford to lose any SOLO auditors who are the backbone of planetary clearing.”

11 replies »

  1. Hearty congratulations for topping the 100,000,000 million mark for solo nots. Source was only able to postulate 10,000. It wasn’t until the reign of COB RTC Pope David I and his introduction of GAT II that we were freed from the limits formerly imposed by source.

    I still recall COB announcing that we were no longer aiming so low as a measly 10k…No, COB announced we were expanding 10k by a factor of 10k due to projected GAT II levels of expansion. The bar was set at 100 million.

    Each one of the planet’s 10k ideal orgs has reported at least 10k on solo nots. Praise be unto COB. A clear world is just around the corner.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Not that anyone should think less of the Founder, but COB makes it clear in COB Advice 578-A6Z4 (The Founder and His Many Problems) that the Founder couldn’t have Planetary Clearing at the correct orders of magnitude located in fully embracive Ideal Orgs strategically placed at the crossroads of civilization to serve as the vital hub of those communities where they are located.

      Essentially, the Founder just wanted bags stuffed with cigarettes and cash delivered to him weekly and was content to live in cramped quarters on ships, cheap apartments, or even a motorhome. Not to be indelicate, but the thought of being locked in a motorhome for endless hours with a garrulous, paranoid, and angry chain-smoking old man who has just taken a big dump in said motorhome makes COB queasy. That is why COB made Pat stay at the Ranch and never went there himself.

      OTOH, COB can have opulence for himself and for his teeming throngs of worshipers who flow power, money, and adulation to him as their form of blue chip exchange for what COB has given them. And more to the point, COB has private restrooms reserved exclusively for himself. Equipped with heated gold toilet seats, — and stocked with mink pelts instead of toilet paper — COB enjoys only the finest in his private luxury commodes.

      As for the now headless and heedless Rod Black, we have instructed him to be OT, skip childhood, and go take over the adult body of someone who is weak-headed and wealthy.

      Therefore, when a story emerges of an addlepated wealthy heir suddenly having what the Psychs call a “major personality change” and becoming a gung ho Scientologist you will know Rod Black is back. After handling him on the engram of losing his head — and this has happened to all of us at one time or another on the wholetrack — Rod will be invited to the ship to complete OTVII – OTX.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Texting is dangerous enuff, but Solo Auditing? Guess he had to squeeze every minute of every session in to keep his stats up! Wonder what the next C/S is going to look like……

    Liked by 1 person

  3. But But But Mr. Grrr8 . . . .I would think that His Royal Heininess Mr. COB would want people to drop their meat bodies (as long as their wills were in order and everything was going to the proper ecclesiastical authorities) in order to Flow More Power TO SOURCINESS. Don’t most of those 105,000,000 people with meat bodies have life insurance or is that something they have already been forced to cash in in order to up their status?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Valerie, you have obviously never read the Founder’s words of wisdom on this subject:

      “Advanced Courses [in Scientology] are the most valuable service on the planet. Life insurance, houses, cars, stocks, bonds, college savings, all are transitory and impermanent… There is nothing to compare with Advanced Courses. They are infinitely valuable and transcend time itself.” – L. Ron Hubbard speaking of his Operating Thetan Courses, Flag Mission Order 375

      Scientologists are not allowed to leave anything behind. Unlike other churches, you see, we in the Church of Scientology do not have an Estate Planning Department.

      We want it all right now so that when a Scientologists drops the body there is nothing but left behind but an empty husk. We don’t even bother announcing the news that someone has died because, as COB made clear in the case of OT Lisa McPherson, it is not a big deal.

      COB: “”At the time I don’t think it was really thought to be that significant an issue. She died. People die.”

      Liked by 1 person

  4. What a shame! And…COB is right! Hey, people die. Especially Scientologist on the upper levels. But don’t worry! They’ll come back and join up again & again & again & again (Hey! A billion years takes a lot of coming back. Also, Congrats on the 105 million people on course! Whew! That’s what I call UPSTAT!

    Liked by 1 person

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