Tower of Scientology To House Criminal SP’s


“With record Scientology expansion comes record suppression,” said Church spokesman Ken Delusion, “and that is why Captain Miscavige had 24 additional stories added to the Superannuated Los Angeles Infinity Platinum Model Ideal Org.”

“The new ‘Scientology Tower’ it has been named, “will be used to conduct the Scientology religious interrogation and torture for which we are so admired by fascist regimes everywhere.”

“A word of warning,” Delusion ominously added, “anyone caught ‘joking’ that this very large addition is Captain Miscavige compensating for anything will be severely beaten and then hanged!”

22 replies »

  1. But Ecclesiastical Leader Sir, the city won’t give us a building permit! They say the height of the tower will interfere with flights at LAX.

    Should we send Jenny@LAX to reason with them?


    • Wog laws have never gotten in Scientology’s way thus far; why would we change anything now? LAX will have to re-route those wog airliners and leave us alone. We may even add more stories if the City bothers us. Nevertheless, JennyAtLAX needs to get on this right away to safepoint the Church.

      Liked by 1 person

    • They will do as they did in Clearwater when they couldn’t get a permit to cut down the ancient tree so they could erect a temporary tent for their one-time IAS gala. They will build the building anyway then pay the fine should anyone be brave enough to give them one.

      Wog laws mean nothing when you are doing the greatest good for the greatest number you poor confused Hatter.


    • In order to accommodate the needs in the construction operation of the “Tower of Scientology,” all airport traffic in and out of LAX will be rerouted immediately through the Los Angeles subway, COB, sir!


  2. May I choose a room/ torture chamber with a view of the Hollywood Hills? That would be splendid! And Gluten Free option on the menu, many thanks.


    • V8, you’re so aberrated and wog that you’re not getting the concept of Scientology religious interrogation and torture. You have obviously gone past a word you didn’t understand. Report to Qual!

      And as far as “gluten free” whatever that is, you can have it if rice and beans served in a communal slop bucket is gluten free.


  3. Dear Sir,

    Will the new Scientology Tower have mooring for the Scientology Zeppelin?

    If so, I would like to book immediate first class passage on the Zeppelin to Flag via Rio de Janeiro.


    Lionel Drinkwater
    Doctor of Scientology
    IAS Patron Excelsior Alka Seltzer
    GBSBC Graduate with Gold Star
    Senior Emergency Word Clearing Specialist
    CST-Certified Nuclear Proof Vault Inspector


  4. Whilst other religions would put their detractors and apostates in dark and rat-infested underground prisons, Captain Miscavige, with the thoughtfulness and ethics of a true humanitarian, imprisons them in luxury cells with splendid views over the spiritual Mecca of Los Angeles.

    Only a real religion like Scientology, founded on tolerance and respect, would treat criminals with such compassion and dignity.



  5. Will webcams connected to 24/7-broadcasting by Scientology Media Productions be installed in every cell, so we don’t feel all alone but have an opportunity to share our overts with the rest of the world – just like we were used to when beeing sec-checked ? I belive The Captain would welcome this, so he doesn’t have to worry about what to do with the SMP-buildings.


  6. Henry VIII would be proud….COB should plan to dress in a regal ermine robe with jeweled crown and scepter for the opening and perhaps consider dedicating the top floor room to his own Ann Boleyn.


  7. Ah, we were wondering where the US version of COB Captain Miscavige sir yessir’s Special Rubber Punishment Room was going to be, after construction recently started on the new dungeons at Saint Hill. (A propos of which, my formidable assistant Practical Nurse Tsai-Chin Proutley has just returned from her sabbatical).


  8. The Scientology Tower of Babel is next. Instead of bringing Scientologists closer to G-d, it will take them farther away from SPs.


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