Scientologists Ordered to Write “David Miscavige Testimonials” to send Louis Theroux!

TSAR.DAVENotorious wog documentarian Louis Theroux seems to have been favorably impressed by the rather large binder of testimonials praising Fleet Admiral David Miscavige we sent him.

We say this as Theroux tweeted about his receipt of our binder.

Whereupon, we in RTC need YOU to leave a florid and gushing testimony to the singular greatness of Scientology leader David Miscavige on this blog.


BONUS ANNOUNCEMENT: There is a new Scientology VHS! Yours free with a donation of $1,000 for S&H.

22 replies »

  1. DAVID MISCAVIGE IS WAY COOL. He can walk on water and swim on land. He can bake a pie so good everyone would want to eat it.


  2. From a troubled early life in a gang-ridden South Philadelphia suburb, Mr David Miscavige has soared to become the foremost religious leader of our, or even any other time.

    Worshiped by many, his humility has not been affected and he remains the same slightly shy young man whose amazing abilities caught the eye of the legendary prophet L Ron Haddock who saw at a glance that here was a man, though at the time just a boy, who would take Scientology from a mere backwater simplistic psychotherapy cult to become the great planet changing religion of today.

    “If we build glittering cathedrals they will come”, surely one of the truest prophesies ever made and a tribute to the Reverend Miscavige’s sempiternal wisdom.

    We are fortunate to have such a titan of humanitarianism with us today.



  3. I recently ran into COB (cause he is everywhere these days!) He said he saw a cluster of thetans trying to escape from me, he COB audited me, he slapped an punched me to the ground and then kicked me multiple times whilst screaming at the cluster to stay where they are! I stood up bloodied and bruised, saluted COB, thanked him the the COB audit and left. I have no issues with that cluster now, major win!
    Thank you Sir, you are the supreme auditor!


  4. David Miscavige is a good looking man. Women want him (or so he thinks) and men want to be him (other than being extremely short and ill-tempered). The Church of Scientology is lucky to have him. If L Ron Hubbard had not died in 1986, David Miscavige and his WHAM tribute band SLAP would have been the newest MTV sensation when George Michael and Andrew Ridgely went their separate ways. But when LRH dropped his meat body, Dave gave up his musical ambitions and took over the church. On a good night, Dave will still put on his short shorts and sing “Wake Me Up Before You Go Go”, Dave’s personal communicator, Lou just loves it (for those that don’t know, Lou is a woman and very feminine from what I hear, I guess or what ever. I just know she does not like being called Big Lou.).


  5. Factually, I can attest that because of David Miscavige, there is synchronizing with eternity as booming is made manifest, and as the church’s dauntlessness, defiantness and resoluteness lead us to the pit stop on the offramp to eternity, with a flagrant disregard for MEST universe speed limits. Moreover, and if that is not enough for you, the booming is 47 times and just over the horizon with the sweat equity and planetary clearing. In conclusion, Mr. Miscavige is the leader of leaders.


  6. I installed training wheels on David Miscavige’s tricycle. True story. I have no idea why he needed training wheels on a tricycle, but I assume he’s just very cautious. Smart guy. It was a pimped out tricycle, too. Chromies, homie.

    And after what I’ve heard about him, I feel that I must make it go clear to say that he NEVER ONCE. NEVER. ONCE. Never once called me a cocksucker or insulted my mother in any shape way or fascist. These are lies and fabricsations.


  7. I think it shod be pointed out that that is an absolutely top-of-the-line VHS tape, of the sort that Titanic and even Star Wars were recorded on thousands of times (in fact, if you look closely at 32:12:13 you can kind o see the outline of DiCaprio.. or is it a fish.. or.. Ron? Is that–!!).


  8. I blackened both eyes one day and broke my nose after repeatedly running into a doorknob during a meeting at Int Base. Unfortunately there was no money for me to see a doctor as the church has spent every dollar it had fighting SPs of late. However Captain Miscavige kindly ordered someone to give me a touch assist after the completion of my gang-bang sec-check. That’s just one example of what a wonderful leader we have in COB.


  9. Davey personally signs those $50 paychecks Sea Org slaves get for 80 hour work weeks. He also clubs puppies well very well and has sets world records for cigarettes smoked, Finally, he is great at silencing his wife.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.