Church of Scientology to Build Religious Chemical Factory #1 in Hollywood


“Styrene, benzine, toluene, freon, acetone, MMA, MEK, exene,  cyclopentane and other chemicals are vitally needed in large quantities if we in the  Church of Scientology are to practice our religion properly,”  declared Church spokesman Ken Delusion.


Say “buh-bye” to Big Blue!

“We are therefore pleased to announce that we will be demolishing our old and shopworn Hollywood ‘Complex’ to build the badly needed Scientology Religious Chemical Factory #1 on the land.”

“And as we in the Church of Scientology are a 100% IRS-certified religion, our wog attorneys have informed us that our new ecclesiastical chemical factory is not subject to any of those complicated and bothersome secular EPA rules.”

“Essentially,” Delusion stated, “we in the Church of Scientology are free to pump hundreds of tons of toxins and pollutants into the air each and every day because we are a religion.”

“Religious demolition of the old Complex begins tomorrow and this too will be unpermitted and unregulated because we are religion.”

“Thank God for religious tax exemption,” Delusion concluded.

11 replies »

  1. Our Theta was made to Conquer and use up Wog MEST, thats why LRH found the OT levels for us to get off the planet once Scientology was done using it in the first place!


    • I understand there is good money to be made in those new electronic cigarette thingies. I’m sure COB will look into that soon.

      He should also consider RTC sacramental drugs. There is nothing wrong with cocaine and heroine as long as our COB is getting his fair share of the profits.


      • Vaping is not an option unfortunately. The smoke must be thick and filled with tar to effectively kill lung cancer per the acclaimed nuclear physicist and medical expert L. Ron Hubbard. Good old fashioned unfiltered camels are the healthiest choice.


  2. Don’t look now, but when surrounding property values plummet because a Bhopal style sprawling chemical factory springs up in LA, COB can step in and buy it up at fire sale prices with pallets of cash.

    Where’s the cash coming from?

    Well, it seems the first amendment also covers the ecclesiastical coveting of money. From this, COB could deduce the difficulties faced with the endless reg cycles could be bypassed if we created our own. We have the technology. We have an ultra modern printing facility. We have the production capacity – other than goldenrod SP declarations, our printing needs are basically nil.

    It is my hope that Scientology will henceforth be fully engaged exercising its constitutionally protected right to create wealth, literally.


  3. I’m glad to see that our COB is finding a productive use for those lazy downstat Sea Orgers! All hail COB!!!!!!!!!!

    How long before the unregulated ecclesiastical RTC human medical experiment lab opens up? The best way to battle Big Pharm is to take their money for conducting those experiments that ignorant wog law doesn’t allow!!!!!!!!!!!!


  4. In conjunction with ground-breaking ceremonies for Scientology Religious Chemical Factory #1 and in an ongoing effort to waste enormous amounts of time demonstrating how wonderful Los Angeles Org is and how astonished he is by their expansion, David “Let Him Die” Miscavige hisself assigned all Body Routers a special “Rainy Day” version of the Oxford Capacity Analysis Personality Test . Here are a few of the questions, all part of the Golden Age of Personality Tests to be released next Maiden Voyage:

    1. When others are getting soaked to the bone, do you remain fairly dry?
    2. Do you browse through weather reports just for pleasure?
    3. Do you consider more money should be spent on developing more accurate weather forecasts?
    4. Do your dry off slowly?
    5. Does an unexpected rainstorm cause your muscles to twitch?

    DLHDM culminated the pre-release of the Golden Age of Personality Tests with the following message to all two hundred LA Org Body Routers:

    “However vast the prospects of today, tonight and tomorrow, there is no greater truth than who you are as Body Routers. Because, after all, yours is the only Sea Org post founded on the power of body thetans. That Body Routers exhibit a never-imagined mixture of compassion, competence and creativity stands in sheer testament to that fact.

    “But with that kind of horse sh*t comes the ultimate responsibility for the seven billion human beings who, likewise, long to be free of you—even if they cannot yet articulate it; even if they cannot yet grasp it. Those seven billion can feel their stomachs knot up in unison with tension as Body Routers sixteen dozen strong turn the corner of Vermont and Sunset, shoulder-to-shoulder; they know something’s coming their way; they can feel, smell and taste it. LA Org, after all, has more than aptly demonstrated that a lifetime career as a Body Router is a manifold reality—at 150% the comparable unemployment in the workaday world.

    “So here is my closing statement for the day—and, yes, it returns us to where we began, with a convoluted message that very simply reads:

    “Whenever you pull a volume from a Golden Age of Knowledge shelf in order to toss it into the flames…

    “Whenever you take two steps back on the Bridge in this Golden Age of Tech…

    “Whenever you hogtie one of those seven billion and drag him back kicking and screaming with the power of the Golden Age of Personality Tests…

    “Whenever you throw out workable LRH technology and replace it with what I call ‘tech,’ whether unto yourself or on behalf of another…

    “Well, in all substance and in all truth, there stands DLHDM, and I am with you. And so long as we remain steadfast to my legacy, we in turn are with me.

    “To David ‘Let Him Die’ Miscavige!”

    Read Fred’s full “Los Angeles Field Operations” report with pictures:


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