RTC Targets the Squirrel Group Neurotology

techWe in RTC have recently been made aware by our wog attorneys of a new squirrel group called Neurotology.

COB RTC David Miscavige was shown selected screenshots of a video proving that Neurotology has squirreled the internationally famous and globally acclaimed COB-produced Scientology anthem We Stand Tall.

Captain David Miscavige

Captain David Miscavige

The vicious Neurotology squirrels have even created a Diametrics Foundation.

These squirrels use a squirrel e-meter called the “brain machine” and make the wholly outrageous claim  “our brain machine can read your mind.”

Obviously created by a fabulist charlatan and populated by Psych-rejects and self-help trash, Neurotology charges $20,000 for its s0-called “brain machine” — a pretend mental health appliance that is actually a crude lobotomy device worn on the head:

The Neurotology squirrels have a space opera focused on a fictional being named Meepthorp. This is most definitely a Marcab implant insidiously laid in on the wholetrack some 790,919,082,158,051 years ago during Incident 16 — a cosmically deadly event that resulted in the Ninth Wall of Fire. Whereupon, the magnitude of this singular implant can only be handled using the exact and precise technology of Scientology.

However,  COB has banned these squirrels for all eternity.  None of them will ever receive any auditing!

The Neurotology Kingpin has ripped off COB’s fashion sense, hair, and grooming. This pretender to true spiritual enlightenment — and such enlightenment can be found only in Scientology — is actually quite a deranged and insane squirrel. The pompadoured Jim-dandy and his gauche designer shirt have “squirrel” written all over them:

An elusive figure who stays in hiding and only comes out to engage in highly scripted, phony, and closed-door PR events, the Neurotology Kingpin is regarded as a psychopathic and narcissistic criminal  cult leader who needs to be arrested and locked up in prison forever. We in RTC are offering a $10,000 reward for information leading to the arrest of the Neurotology Kingpin.

COB RTC David Miscavige has sworn great wrath and vengeance upon the Neurotologoists. Mr. Miscavige has promised that these dangerous, money-grubbing, and phony status-seeking Neurotology squirrels will be brutally punished, beaten, stalked, sued, threatened, infiltrated, and spied on for years or even decades if needed.


18 responses to “RTC Targets the Squirrel Group Neurotology

  1. I applaud COB for taking a brave stand against these shameless rogues stealing the only technology capable of making humans spiritual and eternal. Their brazen effrontery of these footpads and ruffians in attempting to profit from the noble religion of Scientology is appalling and should be punished by the full force of the law!.

    To quote the words of the great humanitarian himself: “I won’t always be here. But before you go, whisper this to your sons and their sons The work was free. Keep it so.”

    – ‘Scientology: Clear Procedure, Issue One’ – L Ron Haddock, Dec 1957

    Andrew

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    • Andrew, we in RTC applaud dauntless, defiant, and resolute Scientologists such as yourself working to ruthlessly drive these Neurotologists back into whatever Black Magick cult they came from!!!

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  2. Declare the squirrels and imposters!

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    • Now wait a minute buster! These Neurotology Psychs can’t be declared because they were never Scientologists! They didn’t pay and so they don’t get the luxury of goldenrod. However, they can be Fair Gamed into oblivion at no cost.

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  3. There can be only one Mapother!

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  4. Is it true Nerotology actually stole COB’s apple box thus rendering him unable to “Stand Tall”?

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    • Those crooks at Neurtology stole all three of COB’s custom-designed hydraulic appleboxes that were molded to his $5,000 John Loebs!!! This has thrown everything into disarray. Cine Gold had to plop COB on a wooden crate to finish a climactic scene in the latest training film wherein COB flawlessly calls 1,000 Floating Needles in a row thereby showing what a bunch of CICS everyone on FLB is.

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  5. Wait, I thought that Neorotology was the original and We Stand Tall was the ripoff.

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  6. I am so glad that our church is led by the wisest, most compassionate, and most able man on the planet instead of a psychopathic and narcissistic criminal cult leader .

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  7. A pretend mental health appliance that takes people from 400 to Good? This is just plain crazy. These shameless rogues must be stopped!

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  8. I have to admit that I am a bit smitten by the ‘squirrel e-meter’ brain machine. I think it is a lot more attractive than the 110% on-Source, 50,000x more accurate, EZ Bake models available at all 134,629 Ideal Orgs on all 17 continents of this dirt clod of a planet. It’s really cute. And the price is so reasonable. My question is, does one need to buy 2 of these units like real Scientologists do or would I be able to scrape by with just one? Maybe I should just quit being so vain and not be fixated on attractiveness and write a KR on myself for having such envious and treasonous thoughtnesses.

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  9. Meepthorp hit on me at summer camp when I was only 9 years old. But in Meepthorp’s defense, I did have a full beard due to a medical condition, so I looked very mature for 9.

    Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I think of Meepthorp, and I wonder what Meepthorp is thinking at that very moment.

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  10. You do straddle that slippery slope. The whole’ Going Clear’ phenomenon is positive. Help and keep us Non Scientologist backers stay on board. You’re cleverness is confusing. Go Rockets!!!!

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