“We are the experts on Public Relations,” declared Church of Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion during his press conference at the Church’s Psychiatry: An Industry of Death museum in Hollywood.
“Scientology’s approach to PR is simple: Always attack, never defend. And so Bill Cosby needs to savagely attack his attackers and find their hidden crimes. This tactic works very well for we in the Church of Scientology,” Delusion remarked.
“Scientology’s ecclesiastical leader Mr. David Miscavige is a leading figure of our age — and yet he has had to endure negative PR from haters. Thus, Mr. Miscavige highly recommends that Bill Cosby use the following proven Scientology PR lines to respond to his attackers:
* These women were hired by Big Pharma to attack Bill Cosby due to his outspoken opposition to the wholesale psychiatric drugging of children in our schools.
* Only criminals looking for a payday would attack the beloved Bill Cosby.
* The people on Bill Cosby’s staff responsible for past misbehavior were terminated long ago. These unfounded and hateful allegations are old news.
* Desperate for ratings and on the verge of bankruptcy, CNN is making sensational claims about disproven allegations that are old news.
* Those making the allegations are bitter defrocked apostates.
* If Humanitarian Bill Cosby were a criminal then why is he distributing millions of copies of The Way to Happiness in lands racked by the scourge of violence and drugs?
* Bill Cosby has nothing to do with managing the daily affairs of his production company and so cannot respond to these allegations.
* Aside from making brief appearances to dedicate orphanages and hospitals, Mr. Cosby has never been in any of the states in which his accusers live. Indeed, none of the states in which his accusers live has any jurisdiction over Mr. Cosby.