Church of Scientology Offers Effective PR Solutions to Bill Cosby

“We are the experts on Public Relations,” declared Church of Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion during his press conference at the Church’s Psychiatry: An Industry of Death museum in Hollywood.

bill-cosby“Scientology’s approach to PR is simple: Always attack, never defend. And so Bill Cosby needs to savagely attack his attackers and find their hidden crimes. This tactic works very well for we in the Church of Scientology,” Delusion remarked.

“Scientology’s ecclesiastical leader Mr. David Miscavige is a leading figure of our age — and yet he has had to endure negative PR from haters. Thus, Mr. Miscavige highly recommends that Bill Cosby use the following proven Scientology PR lines to respond to his attackers:

* These women were hired by Big Pharma to attack Bill Cosby due to his outspoken opposition to the wholesale psychiatric drugging of children in our schools.

* Only criminals looking for a payday would attack the beloved  Bill Cosby.

* The people on Bill Cosby’s staff responsible for past misbehavior were terminated long ago. These unfounded and hateful allegations are old news.

* Desperate for ratings and on the verge of bankruptcy, CNN is making sensational claims about disproven allegations that are old news.

* Those making the allegations are bitter defrocked apostates.

* If Humanitarian Bill Cosby were a criminal then why is he distributing millions of copies of The Way to Happiness in lands racked by the scourge of violence  and drugs?

* Bill Cosby has nothing to do with managing the daily affairs of his production company and so cannot respond to these allegations.

* Aside from making brief appearances to dedicate orphanages and hospitals, Mr. Cosby has never been in any of the states in which his accusers live. Indeed, none of the states in which his accusers live has any jurisdiction over Mr. Cosby. 

11 responses to “Church of Scientology Offers Effective PR Solutions to Bill Cosby

  1. Brilliant! RTC shoud really start their own PR Firm. That would show those Hill & Knowlton scumbags.

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  2. Given the church’s success recently witnessed by so many via youtube, we say Cosby should solicit Jenny and righteously NGAFAY ’em….simple as that.

    Afterwards, Cosby could have Jenny over to his place for drinks and slip her a mickey.

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  3. Ken really is a credit to his Delusion family name. He, under the tutelage of the great master, is the one to manage Dr. Bill Cosby’s problems. Unlike those who bought their ‘doctorate’ from Sequoia University, Dr. Bill got his real doctorate from Massachusetts University and he actually produced a thesis to earn it.

    Whostolemycog is right, Dr. Bill should host all the cute, young Sea Org Commodes (spelling deliberate) Messengers. He’ll treat ’em right!

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  4. What baffles me is why Cosby has not sued these bitter and defrocked apostates into silence? Nothing says “I am an innocent victim-not a degenerate sex offender” better than a twenty-seven count complaint alleging defamation and intentional infliction of emotional distress. Pfizer (a deep pocket) is clearly complicit in providing the date rape drugs to these young women together with instructions on how to use them to enturbulate innocent celebrities for fun and profit. Big pharmaceuticals are disgusting!

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    • Skydog, Bill Cosby would never get justice in a wog court of law. The only true justice is to be found anywhere in this world is within a binding arbitration conduced by the Church of Scientology. To this point, Scientology justice always favors the more generous IAS Patron. Therefore, if Bill Cosby steps up and makes a monumental and heroic donation to the IAS he can be guaranteed justice within the Church of Scientology. In exchange for his seven-figure donation, we in RTC guarantee Mr. Crosby an appropriate trophy and safe passage to a non-extradition island aboard the MV Freewinds.

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  5. Obviously “wog justice” (an oxymoron) is inferior to the binding arbitration procedures of the Church. The non-secular and ecclesiastical policies of the church dictate that the purpose of a lawsuit is not justice but to harass one’s enemies. For this reason, COB is the darling of the legal profession and these principles are introduced in the first year of law school in the course “Billible Hours 101” and fully covered in the second year course “Avoiding Ethical Sanctions for Frivolous Pleading”.

    Ken Moxon has always been my hero and was the first item that came up recently during my ATGO RD. He is so smoking hot that it took close to three intensives (well spent money with huge wins) to handle that aspect of my former gayness.

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  6. Not only is this a fantastic PR handling, it’s a great legal defense, too!

    It’s a twofer!

    Alanzo

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  7. Dr. Cosby has decided to take a forgive and forget approach and wants to invite everybody who thinks he’s a rapist to come by one of his houses to visit and talk-Bill will provide the drinks!

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  8. Is it true, that scientology needs to save it’s victim and lay the blame on the pharma?
    http://www.truthaboutscientology.com/stats/by-name/b/barbara-bowman.html
    How generous!

    Like

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