Church of Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion today announced that the Los Angeles Police Department has concluded that Shelly Miscavige is not a missing person after all.
“This was a widespread misapprehension spread by bitter defrocked apostates,” Delusion remarked. “Factually, this was a non-story. ”
“The real story here is that the Church has once again successfully controlled a law enforcement agency and shut down an investigation that would have otherwise been troubling to COB RTC David Miscavige.” Delusion boldly asserted.
“The wog public fails to understand, once again, just how powerful the Church of Scientology is at a very high level,” Delusion boasted. “We have shut down FBI investigations on, beat human trafficking charges in court, and have fended off complaints about how we routinely violate child labor laws. The Church is bulletproof because we spend our money in all the right places; that is what your donations buy.”
Delusion noted that, “What the Founder of Scientology wrote is true:
‘Somebody some day will say “this is illegal.” By then be sure the orgs say what is legal or not.’
“The Church of Scientology told the LAPD that Shelly is not missing and that is that. Our word is the law and LAPD uncritically accepts it as such. As wogs, they really have no other choice than to obey the Church of Scientology.”
“To conclude on more serious news, Fleet Admiral David Miscavige is briefing the US Senate on the correct use of the E-Meter for sec checking Senate staffers to see if they are leaking salacious things about Senators to the media.”