Today, we in the Church of Scientology bestowed our highest award upon Los Angeles County Sheriff Lee Baca, this for his having handed out copies of The Way to Happiness in Inglewood, California, a downstat town known only for having a giant donut:
Located near the Pacific Ocean according to our giant wall map of global domination, Inglewood has an airplane symbol on it, which means there is an airport there named Inglewood Airport.
As a result copies of The Way to Happiness being passed out in Inglewood, crime immediately dropped 97% and this is why the Church of Scientology today gave Sheriff Baca an important award at a special ceremony.
Following the Church ceremony, Sheriff Baca and his deputies went over to the donut shop for donuts and coffee.
Sheriff Baca accidentally left his Scientology award at the donut shop when he headed back to the station house.
We in RTC are offering a $50 reward for its safe return.