OTVIIIisGrrr8!

The World's Best Satire of the Church of Scientology and its Leader David Miscavige

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David Miscavige Slips into Old Age; Rails Against the Onset of His Decrepitude

By OTVIIIisGrrr8! on January 2, 2020 • ( 1 Comment )

Scientology leader David Miscavige began the new year protesting the ravages of advancing age and the acceleration of his physical, mental, and psychological plunge into decrepitude. “The food they serve me in […]

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Church of Scientology on New Years Eve

By OTVIIIisGrrr8! on December 31, 2019 • ( 1 Comment )

“A dangerous crevasse opened beneath the Church of Scientology as we tried to go into 2020,” reported Expedition Commander Ken Delusion. “Our safest move is to reverse course back and head back […]

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Scientology: Spying on the Buddha!

By OTVIIIisGrrr8! on December 28, 2019 • ( 2 Comments )

Knowledge Report The Buddha has suppressive tendencies and is engaged in, and promoting, an offbeat practice named after himself. Specifically, the Buddha teaches detachment from what he calls “illusory mental forms.” A […]

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Xenu Arrested for DUI After Colliding With Santa Claus

By OTVIIIisGrrr8! on December 24, 2019 • ( 6 Comments )

“Xenu was 3x over the legal limit,” said State Trooper Rock Slammer. “Xenu didn’t even realize he had flown into Santa’s sleigh until we were handcuffing him at the scene for DUI.” […]

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Launch of Boeing Built Scientology Spaceship: Critical Mission Update

By OTVIIIisGrrr8! on December 23, 2019 • ( 1 Comment )

While the the wogs were buzzing with the Christmas R6 implant, we in the Church of Scientology labored at Lunar Base 47. Our goal: Conquest of the Earth by Scientology. Galactic Fleet […]

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Scientology Leader David Miscavige Plunges Into a Deep Depression After Learning the Mormons Have $100 Billion Stashed Away

By OTVIIIisGrrr8! on December 19, 2019 • ( 2 Comments )

Upon first reading the news that the Mormon Church has $100 billion stashed away in Ensign Peak Advisors, Scientology leader David Miscavige was convinced this was fake news or possibly even satire. […]

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David Miscavige Injured in His Attempts to Save the World; Now Unable to Make Court Appearance

By OTVIIIisGrrr8! on December 16, 2019 • ( 5 Comments )

“Defendant Miscavige is not available for deposition,” explained Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion. “It seems COB needs a walker these days after he broke his back heroically piloting OTIX and OTX. The fifteen […]

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Scientology: We Stand Tall

By OTVIIIisGrrr8! on December 8, 2019 • ( 1 Comment )

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Bodhi Elfman and the Secret of Scientology Anus Whitening

By OTVIIIisGrrr8! on December 4, 2019 • ( 6 Comments )

Now we know what really goes on aboard the Scientology ship Freewinds when it’s out to sea: A group whitening process. Bon voyage on your Scientology journey to… a white anus.

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Tom Cruise Quits Scientology — But Scientology Doesn’t Quit Tom Cruise!

By OTVIIIisGrrr8! on November 24, 2019 • ( 1 Comment )

Tom Cruise recently had a thought that he wanted to quit Scientology. Tom confided this thought to a so-called friend who immediately leaked the story to the wog media as we see […]

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