“After two years of work at a cost of $90 million USD, the MV Freewinds has been successfully lengthened to 402 meters (1,319 feet),” announced Captain Mike Napoleon. “The ship will now […]
Scientology is now hiring really bad Elvis impersonators as fundraisers. This is a commission only position and you must pay your own expenses. Pay is 3% of the take. “The fate of […]
“Following a closed-door Serious Reality Adjustment Session with Scientology Pontiff David Miscavige and his ecclesiastical lawyers, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg publicly apologized to the Church of Scientology,” announced Ted Torquemada, the Chief […]
“How does this glorified stuntman Tom Cruise get such monster stats for his stupid new movie?” asked David Miscavige. “Look at these stats! The opening weekend of Mission Impossible — Fallout is […]
“Facebook shares have been hammered in the last two days,” said Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion. “Here is the cold-blooded truth: Facebook pulled in the worst-ever single day stock market statcrash because it […]
In a ruling handed down today in the US Middle District of Florida Federal Court, Judge James Whittemore affirmed the Church of Scientology’s religious right to “hunt down and guillotine Suppressive Persons.” […]
Scientologist Dr. John Mappin educates and warns the wog public why no one should ever use Xenu’s weed a/k/a marijuana: Xenu’s Weed was created eons ago by mal-intentioned botanical psychiatrists! Here are […]
How can you lose with L. Ron Hubbard and John Gotti? They go together like money and laundering! Quantities limited to stock on hand, which is to say we in Scientology have […]
“It’s not what it looks like,” said Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion. “The Brigadier General was merely helping COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige with a wardrobe malfunction.” “That this was escalated into a […]
Special Scientology Bonus Offers: 1. Prepay for your OT levels today and receive 250,000 free fake Twitter followers! You can be a theetie-wheetie dilettante public Scientologist with lots of fake followers just […]
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