US Federal Judge James Whittemore Approves of Scientology’s Use of the Guillotine to Behead SP’s

In a ruling handed down today in the US Middle District of Florida Federal Court, Judge James Whittemore affirmed the Church of Scientology’s religious right to “hunt down and guillotine Suppressive Persons.”

Citing the First Amendment, Judge Whittemore made it clear in his ruling that the Government may not interfere in religious tribunals. “As offensive as it may be to some, Scientology’s right to hunt down, capture, and transport across state lines any and all SP’s (including minor children) and publicly execute them at Ideal Orgs is a protected religious sacrament in which the court may not interfere.”

“However, Scientology’s sale of tickets to the general public who wish to view these executions is not an exempt activity,” Judge Whittemore held in his ruling. “Therefore, Scientology must declare the income from these ticket sales as non-exempt and pay taxes on this secular income.”

8 replies »

  1. Amateurs… Tony Bones sez concrete shoes is fah more discreet. Nuttin’ like makin’ dem sleep wit da’ fishes to get da message across.

    Now if ya wantz a reallyz public message, hittin’ em’ wit a “Chicago Piano” on Main St. usually duz da’ trick.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think you’re on to something here CO$ MD. Let’s face it, sending those suppressive meat sacks down to Davy Jones’ Locker is also the more environmentally preferred option. Everyone knows our oceans are in trouble and adding an additional food source for the crabs will only enhance the food web. Even if the food is suppressively icky.

      I would advise against the use of the always reliable “Chicago Piano”. Sure they are dramatic and effectively get the point across, but unless handled with a very high level of skill it just ends up being a PR nightmare and leaves too much lead in the environment and no crabs are fed. Scientology after all is all about a clean and safe environment as evidenced by the judicious way promotional mailings are so stingily doled out. Their rarity makes them all the more valuable and publics worldwide are clamoring for more mailings but the Church of Scientology is more concerned about good forestry practices and has discontinued the practice of clearcutting forests in order to churn out more promo. This does not however apply to the practice of generating vast quantities of Goldenrod.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This ruling is well considered, especially after the disappointing SCOTUS ruling which affirmed an EPA injunction preventing apostates from being burned at the stake. Factually, the guillotine is a religious device and one of many inventions created by the founder on his whole track.


    • Yes, it’s a fact the the Founder did create the guillotine at some point on his whole track. He also was the first to create music when he lived on another planet and was known as Arp Cola.
      It can be argued that the guillotine is a reflection of the Founder’s merciful nature, especially if one listens to his latest musical offerings like ‘Space Jazz’. With the RTC approved use of a.standard Ideal Guillotine, a thetan’s auditory organs are quickly and efficiently seperated from the rest of the meat sack and he/she is instantly exterioized. With even the most skillful administration of ‘Space Jazz’, the thetan just WANTS to exteriorize – in the worst way. Since SPs are a bunch of No Case Gain DBs and couldn’t go exterior if their eternity depended on it, I vote no guillotine for them. ‘Space Jazz’ all the way for them baby!!!


    • “As a means of instant exteriorization nothing beats the guillotine,” said Scientology Chief Inquisitor Ted Torquemada. “The guillotine eliminates the need to ‘be three feet behind your head’ by literally lopping off one’s head.”

      “Moreover, being guillotined is very effective in stopping attacks against Scientology: Dead SP’s can’t post entheta and Black PR on the internet! The blade falls and *BOOM* the entheta ceases!”


  3. “We in the Church of Scientology felt it was a vast judicial overreach for Judge Whittemore to rule that we must pay taxes on ticket sales,” said Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion. “This is clearly an attempt by a radical judge to trample the rights of a religion and create law from the bench.”

    “Scientology will be appealing this part of Judge Whittemore’s ruling — and all the way to the US Supreme Court if necessary!”


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