LRH’s Exactly Taped Path Out of the Trap

By way of answering an oft-asked technical question we get in RTC, Dr. Hubbard used Mighty Line® Deluxe Safety Tape – 4″ x 100′, Yellow/Black to exactly tape the way out of the trap. 47,000,000 feet of tape was required. If one stays within the pathway created by the lines of the safety tape they will safely exit the 75,000,000 year old trap; this assuming they can pay the $360,000+ toll to traverse the vast expanse of the trap.

If one steps outside of the lines of the safety tape, say by reading entheta online or forwarding Black PR about COB, they will die a horrible and agonizing death by suffocating on their own vomit. For this reason, we in RTC mark the exactly taped path with warning signs along the way:


Let’s do the math on LRH’s exactly taped path out of the trap. The pathway is very narrow. To be specific, it is three feet wide ( 0.9144 meter) and bounded on either side by yellow and black safety tape. Thus, we divide 47,000,000 million feet by two. By dividing and converting to miles, we find the exactly taped pathway out of the trap is 44,508 miles in length (71,629 meters).

Given the length of the exactly taped path, there is a lot of auditing to do to make it through the engram-laden swamps of the Reactive Mind and the Walls of Fire which comprise the OT Levels. Get to work Scientologist! You have a long way to go to get out of the trap!

 

Ambien Explains the Behavior of David Miscavige

“We in the Church of Scientology can at last offer a coherent and wholly scientific explanation for the bizarre and violent behavior of our leader COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige. The explanation is Ambien. We regret any inconvenience Mr. Miscavige has caused due to this medication. All he ever wanted was a good night’s sleep and yet his wog doctor prescribed a horrific medication that caused Mr. Miscavige to manifest the most strange and vile of behaviors,” explained Church spokesman Mr. Ken Delusion.

“For example, Mr. Miscavige’s uncontrollable addiction to purchasing empty buildings at lavish prices and calling them ‘Ideal Orgs’ is directly the result of Ambien. Seriously, no one in their right mind would purchase buildings in industrial parks or dilapidated and rotting old buildings  and call them Scientology churches.

“Under the influence of Ambien, Mr. Miscavige would wake from his slumber, strip naked, and then write nonsensical and incredibly expensive purchase orders for unnecessary Orgs and the renovations to these white elephants. In the morning COB would remember none of what he had done.

“However, being good Scientologists who live only to forward command intention, we never dared question COB. This is why we have an empty $220 million dollar Scientology Org located somewhere in Antarctica that has become buried under ten meters of permafrost.

“Mr. Miscavige has switched to an all natural sleep aid and everything is now fine.”

Dr. Frank Wonderman: Why Counter-Intention on COB’s Lines Must Be Smashed!

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Comrade Dr. Frank Wonderman. Inspector General of the Scientology Office of Ideological Purity and Enforcement.

Just as Trotskyite wreckers and diversionists were a threat to the worker’s revolution in Russia, so too are Psych wreckers and diversionists who traffick in reasonableness a threat to Scientology’s noble aim of Planetary Clearing.

Even now sinister forces of criminal joking and degrading are at work to diminish the success of Scientology TV. This felonious jocularity maintains that Scientology TV and COB are both abysmal failures fit only to be tossed onto the trash heap of cultic history along with visionaries such as Herbert W. Armstrong, Charles Taze Russell, and Mary Baker Eddy. But the statistics show otherwise. With over 1,500 new viewers, COB’s $100 million investment in Scientology TV has been fully vindicated.

The Psychs howl and scream as their revenues collapse under the onslaught of Scientology TV and the surging and unstoppable tide of Ideal Orgs. The opposition and slander against COB and Scientology’s fully ideal scene is a tangled web of calumnies that all trace back to the nonsense of evolution, Freud, and the idea that Man is only his brain and that death extinguishes the thetan forever and ever. Yet the unassailable scientific evidence adduced by the e-meter clearly shows thetans have been around this universe for four quadrillion years and that Tom Cruise’s toothy grin is the result of astonishingly bad dental work made amazingly workable by the technologies of Dianetics and Scientology.

The Scientologist is to flourish and prosper in the face of entheta. And what is the full measure and proof of flourishing and prosperity except to increase one’s IAS Patron status? The IAS is the glorious Scientology revolution against the vicious Psych gestalt which holds thetans in its iron grip of electroshock, lobotomies, and the decadence of popular music and pornography! Rise up today and donate to the IAS!

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#SPYGATE

Taryn Teutsch Was Not Trying to Pull a Scientology Con Job

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Scientology Minister of Disinformation Mr. Usman Bello today assured reporters that Taryn Teutsch was not trying to pull some kind of sleazy Scientology con job when she posted a photo of herself with Gretchen Carlson on her Twitter account.

“Although it appeared that Taryn was trying to create the impression that Ms. Carlson supports her efforts, this was a simple misunderstanding due to a lack of word clearing on Twitter.”

Mr. Bello further insisted that L. Ron Hubbard cancelled Fair Game in 1968 and that Scientology no longer practices Fair Game. “Trying to get someone fired from their job is not Fair Game,” said Captain Bello. “Rather, it merely reflects Scientology’s pure hatred, spite, and our pathological and uncontrollable need for revenge. Our inherent viciousness has nothing to do with Fair Game.”

Mr. Bello went on to complain that the joking and degrading website 419.Eater was a bad, bad, bad wog website that has seriously harmed Scientology’s income from its Nigerian operations.

Stock Photo Scientologists Welcome Newest Member Jonas Hammond

Stock Photo Scientologist Jonas Hammond hails from Stockphoto City, a large town on the internet. If Jonas were a real person he would enjoy riding motorcycles.

Stock Photo Scientologists Executive Director Alicia Selverson today welcomed our newest nonexistent member Jonas Hammond. “Jonas is already wearing his hat and stepped in to defend Real Scientologist Taryn Teutsch on her Facebook page,” said Selverson.

“We Stock Photo Scientologists are here to help Taryn Teutsch on her Fair Game rampage of lunacy and lies,” averred Selverson. “The beauty of stock photos is that we, like Taryn, have absolutely no morals and no need for wog weaknesses such as truthfulness. We really are quite horrible — and that’s what makes us such great Scientologists!”

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Scientologist Taryn Teutsch is busy, busy, busy as a fake SJW.

The Church of Stock Photo Scientologists (CSPS) is a church within the ecclesiastical hierarchy of the churches of Scientology. CSPS has grown over 3000% in the past year alone as real Scientologists continue to blow in alarming numbers due to Marcab silent mind control radio putting blow thoughts into their heads.

Scientology Outsources Part of Its Heavy Workload to the Catholic Church

“Due to the highest ever straight up and vertical expansion resulting from Scientology TV, Scientology is now outsourcing some of its BT exorcism workload to the Catholic Church,” said spokesman Ken Delusion.

“The Catholics have been in the exorcism business since the time of Jesus,” Delusion noted. “And the exorcism business has never been better or more lucrative than today.”

“Exorcisms are up in the Catholic Church and Scientology by over 47,000%. What this means is that Psych drugs aren’t working because the real cause of all modern problems are demonic body thetans,” concluded Delusion. “SP’s can mock what Scientology teaches about how BT’s came to be, but SP mockery doesn’t change the fact of what happened 75,000,000 years ago. It’s all true and quite savage and ghastly.”

“Only Scientology can help,” Delusion emphasized. “But until we get 150,000 more GAT II auditors trained, we’re using Catholic priests on an interim basis.”