Donald Trump & the Good Extraterrestrials vs. The Evil Illuminati

The SP Pete Griffiths shared FB posts made by a Scientologist on the criminally suppressive Facebook group SP’s ‘r’ US. A wholetrack psych implanter, Pete’s attempt at joking and degrading about deadly serious extraterrestrial-Scientology affairs has been noted by we in RTC. A report has been placed in Pete’s permanent Ethics file.

Scientology’s New Protection Services Keep Scientologists Safe!


“Donations for protection are at an all time high!” enthused Scientology Protection Chief Mr. Dag Diego.

“Scientologists need protection and they’re willing to pay for it. After all, it would be very unfortunate if a Scientologist, say, were home alone and some goombah Psych broke into their home and put the hurt on them big time.”

“It makes sense to pay us to protect you,” said Mr. Diego.

Scientology Announces Recall of OT III’s

OTX

An OT III infected with the Sike A Virus

“We in RTC have found direct evidence that Big Pharma sabotaged the neural network we implant into OT III’s,” said Inspector General Tech Mr. Ken Delusion.

“We found the Sike Virus A in 90% of OT III’s tested. Big Pharma attackers  got into the neural networks of OT III’s via an unsecured IPsec tunnel in the CSI corporate LAN. It didn’t help that the master password was 1234.”

“As a result, we have instructed the Church of Scientology International to issue a recall on all OT III’s in order to install a new neural network. As this requires opening the skull, anesthesia will be used. Healing time varies, but affected parties should plan on one Earth year. Side effects may include vampirism, hallucinations, and paranoia.”

David Miscavige for President in 2020

The “David Miscavige for President in 2020” movement received additional impetus today from the millions of Detroiters who were honored that Mr. Miscavige opened a badly-needed Scientology Ideal Org in their community.

“Detroit can finally get Scientology auditing,” said resident Mac McDooley. “Things are really going to change for the better in Detroit. All the endemic crime, violence, and poverty will end now that Scientology is here!”

 

The Watchtower Bible & Scientology Society


Unfairly persecuted and attacked for being greedy and soul-destroying cults that protect sexual predators and are led by insane and vicious leaders, the Church of Scientology and the Watchtower Bible & Tract Society today merged to become the Watchtower Bible & Scientology Society.

“The goal of the WB&SS is to serve as the Herald of Ron’s Presence,” said Ken Delusion, a member of the new Governing Body. “We of the WB&SS also seek to destroy our enemies from off the face of the Earth.”

“As for the 144,000 chosen who will enter the Heavenly Org, we of the Governing Body have received a divine revelation that only WB&SS Archangel Patrons who have donated at least $10,000,000 will enter Heaven as members of the Elect OT Overseers.  Everyone else will receive the honor of serving the Elect.”

Scientology Leader David Miscavige: Wild Card Last Minute Nominee for US Supreme Court!

“Scientology leader Generalissimo David Miscavige has placed his name before the US Senate as a wild-card-last-minute nominee to be next Justice to the Supreme Court,” said Scientology VP of Public Affairs Mr. Dag Diego.

“We in Scientology have collected an incredible amount of, ahh, certain… highly revealing information… on every US Senator.

“It would be very unfortunate if there was a massive release of this information online before Mr. Miscavige was voted on to be the next Supreme Court Justice.

“Just sayin’.”

Scientology Erects Safety Fences Around All Orgs to Protect Scientologists

Scientology Security Minister Mr. Dag Diego today confirmed that safety fences have been erected  around all Scientology Orgs. “This has been done to protect Scientologists,” said Commander Diego.

“Scientology can ill afford to allow marauding wogs to step foot on our property. Further, we cannot allow Scientologists to escape when our scriptures clearly require them to route out of Scientology per policy.”

Asked why so much razor wire was required on the safety fences, Commander Diego replied, “The Founder noted that the universe is based upon enormous quantity. Therefore we decided we need an enormous quantity of razor wire in order to comply with the Founder’s wisdom.”