“Xenu was 3x over the legal limit,” said State Trooper Rock Slammer. “Xenu didn’t even realize he had flown into Santa’s sleigh until we were handcuffing him at the scene for DUI.” […]
Xenu Arrested for DUI After Colliding With Santa Claus
Launch of Boeing Built Scientology Spaceship: Critical Mission Update
While the the wogs were buzzing with the Christmas R6 implant, we in the Church of Scientology labored at Lunar Base 47. Our goal: Conquest of the Earth by Scientology. Galactic Fleet […]
Scientology Leader David Miscavige Plunges Into a Deep Depression After Learning the Mormons Have $100 Billion Stashed Away
Upon first reading the news that the Mormon Church has $100 billion stashed away in Ensign Peak Advisors, Scientology leader David Miscavige was convinced this was fake news or possibly even satire. […]
David Miscavige Injured in His Attempts to Save the World; Now Unable to Make Court Appearance
“Defendant Miscavige is not available for deposition,” explained Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion. “It seems COB needs a walker these days after he broke his back heroically piloting OTIX and OTX. The fifteen […]
Scientology: We Stand Tall
Bodhi Elfman and the Secret of Scientology Anus Whitening
Now we know what really goes on aboard the Scientology ship Freewinds when it’s out to sea: A group whitening process. Bon voyage on your Scientology journey to… a white anus.
Tom Cruise Quits Scientology — But Scientology Doesn’t Quit Tom Cruise!
Tom Cruise recently had a thought that he wanted to quit Scientology. Tom confided this thought to a so-called friend who immediately leaked the story to the wog media as we see […]
