“Burdened by the overhead costs of an excess 5,000 out exchange Sea Org members in a economic down cycle, i.e. a statcrash of magnitudes caused by the forces of suppression, Fleet Admiral David Miscavige is transferring 5,000 older Sea Org members to fight for Russia in Ukraine,” explained Commander Ken Delusion of the Scientology DOGE project which aims to streamline Scientology’s operations.

“As Dr. Hubbard’s Doctrine of Exchange is always at work at all times in Scientology, the Russians will be donating $20,000 for each Sea Org member. This $100 million donation will allow Scientology to help Clear the Planet with greater speed of particle flow.”

“Scientology DOGE, which means ‘Deport Obsolete Genetic Entities‘ allows Scientology to send Sea Org members over 50, or those with potentially costly medical and dental problems, to Russia,” Delusion emphasized.

“Any Sea Org member in need of a root canal or treatment for an ingrown toenail will be shipped to Russia. The Church simply will not spend good money on Sea Org members who pulled in medical and dental problems! We will not be rewarding downstats!”

“At estimated rates of use in Russian meatbody wave attacks, these 5,000 older Sea Org members will supply approximately 5 days of Russian fighting capabilities in the Donetsk region. Their sacrifice will be honored by distributing copies of The Way to Happiness to Muscovites.”
____________________________________________________________________________________

Russia to relax restrictions on Scientology after Fleet Admiral David Miscavige meets with Vladimir Putin and pledges 5,000 Sea Org Members to the Special Military Operation in Ukraine.

Scientology will no longer be deemed a deviant criminal organization in Russia as has been the case for decades,” announced RTC Special Envoy Ken Delusion.

“In a further gesture of goodwill, Scientology will allow Mr. Putin to use the MV Freewinds as part of Russia’s ghost fleet. The Freewinds will be used to launder money via its various Orgs in Cyprus, Ghana, Estonia, Belarus, Curacao, and other places in Scientology’s far flung global empire.”

“Former IJC Mike Ellis was on the first plane out to the front lines,” RTC Special Envoy Ken Delusion noted. “Ellis has been downstat for many years now and we in RTC felt that some real combat experience and a spartan diet of 1980-era rations from Afghanistan will toughen him up. We wish Mr. Ellis all the best in Donetsk. We are confident Mike will make it go right with Tone 40 intention as he rides into combat on his bicycle along with the remaining North Korean forces.”