Mars Traffic Control Police Chief Paul Horner ordered NASA’s Mars Rover Perseverance ticketed and towed.
“Perseverance was parked and taking photos of the mountains. However, the rover was blocking the entrance to one of Scientology’s Martian Implanting Stations,” Horner stated. “It is against the law to block access to any business here on Mars. We protect our businesses.”
NASA officials radioed Chief Horner about paying the ticket and getting Perseverance out of the impound yard. NASA was shocked when Chief Horner informed the space agency that the fine was $65 million US dollars payable only in Bitcoin.
This fine prompted an angry call from President Biden to Chief Horner. When President Biden protested that the fine was extortionate and Russian-like in nature, Chief Horner was nonplussed.
“Look Joe,” Chief Horner explained to the President, “This is basic Tourism 101. When you travel to a foreign country or another planet it is entirely your responsibility to know the local laws and penalties.”
“The US sent its rover to our planet without even asking us if it was alright to do so. We did not object or even require Perseverance to be registered as a motor vehicle here on Mars. We on Mars were polite to the US and excused these discourtesies as part of an Earth nation inexperienced in space exploration,” Horner informed the President.
“However, when Perseverance blocked access to one of our core businesses, we had to draw a line. We had to ticket and tow Perseverance. As for our $65 million fine, well, that is what it costs on Mars. Pay the fine or we keep your rover in the impound yard and charge storage fees. It’s your call Joe.”
President Biden was not happy but said America had no choice. The President ordered the fine be paid from NASA’s budget.
“The real news story here,” CNN’s Anderson Cooper observed, “is that Chief Horner let slip the secret that Scientology actually controls the implanting stations on Mars. This is a stunning revelation because for decades now Scientology and its leader David Miscavige have claimed that the Psychs control the implanting stations. Now that we know Scientology lied about this, we must ask what else Scientology is lying about concerning its clandestine Martian operations,” Cooper declared.
“We at CNN now plan to do a multipart story called ‘Scientology: A History of Great Big Lies about Mars!‘”