Scientology Fundraiser Accidentally Becomes a New Religion

The San Fernando Valley Ideal Org OT Committee was conducting a “Martian Mysticism” themed costume fundraiser. However, this dabbling with occult practices soon proved as dangerous as “playing” with a Ouija board.

“Shit suddenly got real,” SFV OTC Chairman Doug Borden announced. “We had a mutual group cognition that we were pre-Adamite Super Targs 9,000 years ago in what is now Jerusalem.”

“We realized we weren’t Scientologists and had been mocking up that identity and keeping it solid due to fear,” Borden explained. “We broke the chains of fear and have now declared ourselves a new religion called The Glorious Pre-Adamite Super Targ Empire of the Greater San Fernando Valley and of the Infernal Regions of Hollywood and Beyond.”

Doug Borden declared himself Emperor Super Targ I and laid claim to the San Fernando Valley Ideal Org. The Org has been renamed The Jovial Palace of Targdom.

“They’re not getting away with this!” roared IG/RTC Ethics Mr. Ken Delusion. “How dare these so-called ‘Super Targs’ try to steal an Ideal Org with their insane and provable bullshit! Just as soon as COB can be located — and he is on the down low at present — he will fire off a mission to crush these felonious Targs who hijacked and stole the bodies of an entire OT Committee! This is unprecedented! LRH never wrote about what to do if such an event happened! We’re not sure what to do until COB returns from wherever he is at.”

“Did the Targs got COB too?” the pie-faced and hopelessly dazed Delusion asked. It was obvious that Delusion had gone PTS to the Targs.

4 replies »

  1. IG/RTC Ethics Mr. Delusion is absolutely right when he proclaims that this treasonous Targ takeover is provable bullshit!!! But, just as with the coolest religion on the Whole Track, it is also profitable bullshit. I can just see it now, a Targ/NOI/Scientology trifecta. Talk about a money maker!!!!! I hope I can make a bit of extra scratch being an FSM or get some coffee shop auditing with some of those Targ characters. Talk about some exciting Space Opera shit.


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