Open Enrollment for Tom Cruise Wife Auditions Thru December 15, 2019

Do you have what it takes to be the fourth Mrs. Tom Cruise?

Open enrollment for Tom Cruise wife auditions runs through December 2019. Please send photos and your all-important incisor teeth dimensions with your application. You will need to include a certified copy of your Scientology training and processing levels.

Joy Villa is already scheduled for her Tom Cruise wife audition. Joy was previously married to a short man and this is 10 points in her favor. However, she is a Clear but has not yet gone OT. This puts her in the non-interference zone between Clear and OT. Being in this danger zone deducts 25 points from Joy’s application: “Clears are at risk,” the Founder warned us.

All applicants must sign a contract acknowledging that Tom Cruise and David Miscavige have an unusually close relationship. As such, David Miscavige will be there for the wedding, honeymoon, and will play an omnipresent role in Tom’s fourth marriage.

12 replies »

  1. As Jane Austen wisely wrote “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.”

    Although Miss Austen doesn’t appear on any Scientology Completion Lists, neither is there any reference to her receiving an SP Declare so she would be a suitable candidate for Mr Cruise’s next marital foray.

    RTC should mount an international search to find the meat body Miss Austen’s thetan is presently residing in and request that she apply for the conjugal position. She would be a sensible choice.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh the new wife auditions! I am so Excited! I am shaking with anticipation as I was when I did the OTs in less than a day! Joy has the clothes but I agree with OTVIII she is deficient in the Clear department while Cruise and dm are so OT it makes me teary. Whoever wins the next wife go round will be a model slave for Scientology and your life will be over…XOXO to OT8. 💛

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Surely this is a great opportunity for Shelly ‘Who’ Miscavige to take some time off from her selfless tasks at CST and help her husband’s BFF in the 2D department!!! Who better to set up a Big Being with a date than someone who is the lesser half of an Ideal 2D herself? I’m sure the better half of this Ideal 2D would be happy to help his bud, but he is so busy opening Ideal Orgs these days he just doesn’t have the time for anything other than 3rd or 4th Dynamic activities.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. One can only hope Tommy Davis will be there to send the non-winners or winner to scrub some toilets. Prospective bridal candidates should bring a dozen tooth brushes for bathroom clean-up duty. Sea Org members need proof of age to avoid any legal hick-ups. If your parents signed away their rights, the church will vouch for your age. Good luck and remember to wear your flats.

    Liked by 1 person

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