“As the most ethical group on the planet, we in the Church of Scientology oppose fake news,” declared Church spokesman Ken Delusion.
“Unlike the truths we speak in Scientology, fake news is damaging, misleading, and acts to harm thetans by implanting them with false data — and we in Scientology would never implant anyone with false data, lies, or fake news.”
“Furthermore, we in Scientology are deeply harmed by the literally tens of thousands of fake news stories out there on the internet, on television, and even in the theaters that portray the Church of Scientology as a greedy, thieving, scumbag criminal organization.”
“These fake news stories peddled by the Psychs also slanderously portray Scientology’s global ecclesiastical leader Mr. David Miscavige as a ravening, violent, and ill-tempered hoodlum who is propelled along in life by his own narcissism, insatiable greed, and caprice.”
“Nothing could be further from the truth! Mr. Miscavige is a humanitarian greater than even Gandhi!”
“These fake news stories further seek to impugn Scientology’s Founder who was a nuclear physicist, a Civil Engineer, and a heavily decorated WWII combat hero.”
“All of this fake news is outrageous and must stop or we in Scientology will sue everyone in the world!”
Everyone? Wow. The Church of Scientology is going to become the favoured church of trial lawyers everywhere! That shows the superiority of Scientology. No other church has ever managed to do this.
Ok, I’m just going to come right out and say it. I think Mr. Church spokesman Ken Delusion, is just soft pedaling here. Why doesn’t he just man up and be more than just a little bit KSW and tell it like it is. FUCK those fake news sites that blaspheme our eternity salvaging Church, it’s extremely ecclesiastical leader Mr. Cap’n David Miscavige, and its sacred founder, savior of the guh-lax-ee, and multi-talented Mr. Lafayette Ronald Hubbard!!!!!!!!!! The only news sources anyone needs are the pure unvarnished truths that appears in our beloved Freedom Magazine, sleazy smear websites, and from the virginal lips of Ms. Karin ‘POW’ Pouw.
So, come on people, just not-is these silly psych backed fake news stories and lets get back to work clearing this filthy prison planet and going all in to reach our next IAS status so photo ops can take place where ever the next planetary disaster might occur to some griefy, motovatorish, degraded wogs who are pulling it in faster than a reg can reach for your wallet on Thursday at 1:55pm.
Scientology will fight the fake news by starting their own cable and satellite channel: XNN = Xenu News Network. Unbiased news from space aliens!!