An Exciting New Eau de Cologne for IAS Patrons!


“COB Pompous Ass cologne is redolent of snobbery and elitism and yet has whimsical  undertones of desperation, lies, and impending doom.”  — Perfume & Colognes Weekly

“It smells like ass.” Ricardo Flavio, Colognes of Bologna

“I love it! The scents of aggression, delusion, and inherent self-superiority make it the perfect cologne for obnoxious cultists. Well done COB!” — Damian Bichoff, OT VIII.

“COB the cologne has the strong odor of money obtained by fraud, threat, and duress. The scent reminds me of a mink in distress when the animal exudes that horrible urine-like stench.” — Wanda Jacobs-Puddingstone, London Scent Designs Ltd.

“It’s not like any other cologne… it has the smell of KSW and a strong help flow. This is the cologne that Scientologists should wear to the scene of an accident.” Tom Cruise

“Pompous Ass has a ‘lift the tail of a cow on a warm summer day and smell’ foulness that slams the nostrils and the eyes like a freight train and leaves one gasping for breath. COB is both dreadful and terrifying. What were they thinking? ” — Maggie Percy, Scents of Life Pty.

“Pompous Ass is the pungent cologne hustlers like me wear to mask the smell of bullshit.” — Grant Cardone

“COB Pompous Ass cologne compared very favorably in blind studies with Sex Panther cologne.” — Dr. Juan Diego San Kool de Menthol, Doctor of Cologneology, University of Milan

4 replies »

  1. Are you quite sure that shouldn’t be “Eau de Colon”? According to my sources (Nurse Tsai-Chin Proutley), apart from a dab of The Macallan 25-year-old single malt behind each ear, and assiduous applications of industrial-strength Ultra-Clutch hairspray, Rear-Admiral Miscavige only uses two products:
    Bumpits & Botox

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Surely the ecclesiastical leader of the world’s coolest religion has made an incredible break through with the development of this amazing new product to mask offensive smells. I hope I am not being heretical in observing that even the Founder was not able to come up with a product to mask the unsavory smell of roses and suppression. With this product available only to IAS Patrons, I am sure that their dissemination efforts will more than 47x as any wog they are near will fall under the spell of their smell after inhaling the sweet scents of delusion. I am looking forward to seeing the infomercials for this cologne broadcast on Scientology Media Productions so that it will reach the eleventy billion Scientologists on this smelly dirt clod of a planet.

    Liked by 1 person

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