Emergency StatPush: Battlefield Earth Has Sold Only 122 Copies!

BEClassified: The 2016 relaunch of Battlefield Earth has sold only 122 copies.

Galaxy Press is hereby assigned the condition of CONFUSION.

COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige has ordered all Scientologists to immediately purchase 1,000 copies of Battlefield Earth or face a face-ripping Comm Ev!

We in Scientology cannot allow the likes of Leah Remini and Ron Miscavige to reach the top of the New York Times bestseller list while Battlefield Earth languishes at 43,935 on Amazon.

The statpush is on! Get out there and max out your credit cards to make Battlefield Earth boom!

 

4 responses to “Emergency StatPush: Battlefield Earth Has Sold Only 122 Copies!

  1. LMAO

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Maybe I have identified the wrong barrier to study and need to re-retread the GAT II Student Hat course. But, the fact is, I am still slogging through my original $500 leather bound gilded collector’s edition of Battlefield Earth that came out back in the 80’s. I keep looking up my words and demo-ing and clay demo-ing to no avail. Send me to ethics for saying it, but this goddamn book is just plain assed boring. I don’t suppose it counts towards this epic stat push if I try to sell my copy on eBay for 47 cents?

    PS Regarding the cover of this new edition, isn’t the busty babe on the cover looking a little out-2D? Who posed for the artwork, Juliette Lewis, cuz if it’s Juliette Lewis, I want some of that action…

    Like

  3. Maybe I have identified the wrong barrier to study and need to re-retread the GAT II Student Hat. I have looked up my words and demo-ed and clay demo-ed but I am still slogging through my original $500 leather bound and gilded collector’s edition of Battlefield Earth that I bought in the 80’s. Send me to ethics for saying it, but this goddamn book is just plain assed boring. I don’t suppose it would count towards this epic stat push if I were to try to sell my copy on eBay for 47 cents? I really do want to do my part.

    PS Regarding the cover of the new edition, isn’t the busty babe on the cover just a little bit out-2D? And who posed for the artwork? Is it Juliette Lewis, cuz if it’s Juliette Lewis, I want some of that action…

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I bought 20 copies and had to return them because many pages were missing and there were fecal stains on others. Please ask COB to fix the toilet paper situation in the orgs and apparently now at Bridge Pub

    Liked by 2 people

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