Urine Command!


Captain Ken Delusion strode disgustedly from the men’s room in the music studio at Gold Base and yelled “Urine Command!”

Ensign Stayta Kleer who was standing nearby in the empty hallway replied, “Thank you for recognizing my skill sir! I’m ready to be in command!”

“What?” Delusion said.

“You said that I’m in command.”

“Are you not duplicating? I said ‘Urine Command.'”

“Yes, got it sir. You said ‘You’re in Command!’ And I am ready to be in command.”

“No, Kleer no! I didn’t say you were in command. I was calling for Urine Command to handle the flapping pee sit in there.”

At this point COB and his entourage walked onto the scene. COB barked, “Who are you?” at the Ensign.

“Sir, I’m Stayta Kleer.”

COB screamed “%$#$&%^* I didn’t ask your processing state. I asked who you were! What is your post?”

“Sir, I’m in command and I’m Stayta Kleer!”

“Delusion, &%^$^* what is going on with this CICS ‘State of Clear’? And why is she in command? I thought you were in command of this area!? Do I need to RPF you for hats not wearing?”

“Sir,” Delusion replied, “She is Stayta Kleer but she’s not in command.”

“I don’t give a rat’s ass if she’s a Clear! And of course she’s not in command!” COB screamed. “I’m in command!”

“Yes sir, you’re in command. But Stayta Kleer’s misunderstood is that I said ‘Urine Command.'”

“Of course I’m in command and YSCOHB!” COB yelled as he turned and walked into the men’s room to relieve himself. Whereupon, he was shocked and aghast and in total horror to see pee on the men’s room floor!

“Delusion!” COB yelled as he walked out of the men’s room. “There’s pee on the floor in there!”

“Yes sir. Urine command!” Delusion yelled.

“Yes, you told me that already sir,” said Stayta Kleer.

“You’re not in command!” COB shrieked at Kleer. “Delusion, stop staying Ensign Kleer is in command! I’m in command and I’m ordering you to handle this gross Out Tech pee sit now, now, now!”

“Immediately sir!” Delusion then yelled with stern Tone 40 command intention, “Urine Command!”

7 replies »

  1. Following the horrific “urine on the men’s room floor crisis” at Gold Base, COB created the new Urine Command, a highly mobile immediate response team designed and equipped to handle any urine on the floor situations in any Org in any Church on any Continent.

    The UC may be summoned by any Scientologist by yelling “Urine Command!” The nearest UC member will respond speedily with a bucket and a mop.

    Captain (brevet) Delusion wears many hats in the RTC. One of his duties is RTC Rep Network terminal to the WDC/CO CMO who oversees the ILO who oversees the Urine Command in all Orgs.

    The valuable final product of Urine Command is “clean bathroom floors with no urine on them.” The Dir Urine Command has a network of Urine Command Officers who inspect all restroom floors in all Orgs at ten minute intervals. Reports are sent to Dir Urine Command Reports in Div 3 RAM.

    It is a HIGH CRIME in Scientology to dribble pee on any bathroom floor. Only wogs and degraded beings do such gross meat body things.

    Liked by 1 person

    • All I can say it that it’s about goddamn time this pee sit in Scientology is being brought under control. For some reason, at my Ideal Org, there is only one functioning bathroom for students and PCs, so we are way ahead of the curve on this wog transgender bathroom sharing issue thingy. The trouble is, the other student in the Academy happens to be male. I’m no Data Series Evaluator, but common sense tells me that since we are the only two students, it must be him peeing on the floor since I almost always opt for the standard squatting position of the fairer sex. Pee on the floor and the toilet seat being left up are disgusting, but I am trying to build up my confront as much as possible. I thought that I was doing pretty good until I saw two staff members in there handling the pee sit by scrubbing away with toothbrushes. My confront went to shit so I voluntarily signed up to re-tread the Comm Course and do a couple hundred hours of TRs to eliminate my non-confront case. As soon as someone signs up for the Comm Course I will have a twin and get moving again on my Bridge to Total Freedom. It’s a real catch-22 cuz the toothbrush wielders are both body routers and until they get that shitter all shined up properly there will be no chance for them to pull in some raw meat off the streets.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Ms. B. Haven, we want to assure you that OSA is hard at work on the pee sit in the Church. OSA has just uncovered evidence that Big Pharma has been sending in agents to wildly pee on the floors in order to enturbulate Scientology organizations.

        Urine Command has been advised to look for SU’s (Suppressive Urinators) loitering in or around Ideal Orgs.


      • We see that UC has made the case to be on the lookout for SU’s (Suppressive Urinators), however we don’t see UC has made a dent in the problem of FU’s (Flatulent Urinators) which can often lead to PU’s which as everyone knows require TP.

        We’d like to request the next time anyone overhears an FU to report it to UC to prevent a PU until we get some TP. 10-4?

        Liked by 1 person

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