Scientology Orgs Now Serving the “COB Royale With Cheese!”


Desperate to recruit new members, Scientology Orgs are now offering visitors the best, biggest, and most deluxe burger in the universe: The COB Royale With Cheese.

The RTC-approved COB Royale With Cheese features a thirty pound hamburger patty, fifty slices of sharp cheddar cheese, one pint of thousand island dressing, and sliced tomatoes and onions. The bun is fresh baked at the Golden Era Bakery, home of the famous fresh breads, cakes, pies, and pastries the Sea Org is served each day. French fries, onion rings, and soft drinks with unlimited refills are also included with your Scientology Happy Meal.

Your COB Royale With Cheese is served hot and fresh off the grill after you finish watching the film Orientation and talking to Scientology counselors and Sea Org recruiters for three hours or more.

Those who are already Scientologists have even more to feast on with the newly created Super St. Hill Sized  IAS Patron Meritorious With Cheese. Weighing in at 400 pounds, this $35,000 OT-sized burger comes with a free Basics library! How can you lose?!


8 replies »

  1. OT Success Story: Eating a regular daily diet of Super St. Hill Sized IAS Patron Meritorious With Cheese sandwiches allowed OT III Sonny Buttcheaks of the Tampa Org to beat anorexia. His wife Rosie couldn’t be happier. “When Sonny was anorexic he was always very low on the Tone Scale. Now he is fully Tone 40 and, as a well fed OT is a sessionable OT, Sonny is always sessionable these days! His metab is fab!”

    You too can have the same wins as Sonny and Rosie Buttcheaks with the new Super St. Hill Sized IAS Patron Meritorious With Cheese.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. We also saw the new COB salad being tested in Golden Era kitchens. It features a small bed of lettuce topped with baby corn and Vienna sausage.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I just got out of session the other day, and of course my needle was floating!!!!!! I felt a hunger pang and went to the Ideal Org canteen to handle that sit. Feeling lighthearted and joyful as a result of the wonderful session, I ordered a cheeseburger with onion rings and a Pepsi. With my TR-1 fully in, I told the cashier to ‘Saint Hill size it’!!!!!!! When I got my order, I was shocked to see that I only had half of a slider, a single burnt onion ring and an empty glass. When I questioned the cashier about a possible mistake, I was routed to Ethics and told to clear my MU. Now I find out that even a raw meat wog off the street can get a better burger than I can. WTF??? I must have a crashing MU. Either that or OSA is moonlighting in the canteen.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Miss B.: Not that we want to feed you a cog ;-), but next time just find a body router outside of your Org, act lie a stupid wog, and say you have questions. Then watch the film, ask some question, and then you can have a COB Royale With Cheese. The SO and Staff turnover at the Orgs is so high and the pc’s so few, that no one will recognize you. As for the Super St. Hill Burger, that is $35,000. And then there is the Bob Duggan Burger priced at $500,000. The BDB comes with a free Ford Fiesta.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I don’t mean to be back-flashy, but I’m here to tell you MY ORG IS NOT SHORT STAFFED!!!!!!! There is NO turnover. We have at least one person in each division at least on a limited part time basis. In fact, we’re in second place in the birthday game this year!!! As soon as we get Central Files sorted out I’m sure will be booming, just like COB says we will. I’m volunteering and I hope to be finished with the ‘A’s sometime next month. Meantime I’m going to take your advice and find me a body router. If I just put a paper bag on my head they will definitely be fooled. I’ll get some deluxe chow and their stats will be in screaming affluence!!!! It will be raw meat in the bag! Get it, har, har, har. Who says us Scientologists don’t have a sense of humor?


  4. Yeah..hello, um a large COB burger with lies, make that large lies, diet truth free cola for my drink and a some circular bridge rings!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Would you like to Sherman-size your order? Unlimited lies, truth-free cola, and endless circular bridge rings for just another $100k.

      Liked by 1 person

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