Church of Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion today announced that the Church is building an exact replica of the WWII Berlin Zoo Flak Tower.
“The site will be located on Hollywood Boulevard next to the Scientology Test Center,” said Delusion. “Sea Org members will be uniformed in authentic Luftwaffe uniforms of the period. Each night, incredible simulated combat with incoming Marcab battle fleets will be conducted using laser cannon. This will be spaceoperaology at its finest!”
“The Scientology Flak Tower will be a tourist attraction open to the public,” Delusion noted. “The cost of admission requires watching a short 45 minute film called Orientation and then talking to Scientology body routers for 25 minutes.”
“COB RTC David Miscavige ordered the construction of the $75,000,000 project after realizing that, without a gimmick of some sort, the public will not talk to Scientology body routers. Indeed, Scientology’s body routers in Hollywood have only a .003 acceptance rate from the public.”
“Said another way, this is a 99.997 rejection rate — a number unparalleled in the rejection of mind control cults over the past 100 years. It is as if the public, inexplicably, wants nothing to do with Scientology. Thus, what is needed is an attraction to increase Scientology’s acceptance rate to our target of 2.5% of the population.”