Admitting that Christianity doesn’t work because it is based upon a Psych R6 implant, Jesus Christ today cut his hair, shaved off his beard, and joined Scientology’s Sea Org.
“Scientology is based upon science,” Jesus said, “whereas Christianity is based on an implant laid in 75,000,000 years ago by the master Psych implanter Xenu.”
“When I read Dianetics, I realized that Scientology is the world’s only real and true science. And then when I read the OT III course pack my mind was blown. I realized what’s really going on in the universe. I saw how I had been implanted to believe I was the Son of God. It was then I knew I had to sell my highly successful carpentry company and join the Sea Org.”
Church of Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion announced that new Sea Org member Jesus Christ has been assigned to Scientology’s Public Relations department. “Jesus will do public speaking about Scientology on Zoom,” Delusion commented.
“Once Jesus proves himself on Zoom calls by increasing Scientology’s stats of new bodies in the shop, we’ll move him to the big leagues of Scientology TV. This guy Jesus looks can really boom Scientology’s Orgs based on his work the past 2,000 years,” Delusion added.