Tag Archives: Jesus Christ

The Faith Tones to Appear at Scientology Fundraiser


The Christian songstress trio The Faith Tones will be appearing this weekend at Flag’s annual fundraiser for COB’s birthday present. Their appearance at Flag proves that we in Scientology are very Christian. We are also very Muslim.

The fact is that we in Scientology have a cloying willingness to ingratiate ourselves with all kinds of groups. We do this in order to trick the Wog World into believing that we’re just like everyone else. Sure, we in Scientology are just normal people. Except we have all the answers and know the secrets of the universe!

Jesus Christ Joins Scientology’s Sea Org

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Admitting that Christianity doesn’t work because it is based upon a completely false supernaturalism, Jesus Christ today cut his hair, shaved off his beard, and joined Scientology’s Sea Org.

“Scientology is based upon science,” Jesus said, “whereas Christianity is based on faith.”

“And I’ve come to realize over the past two hundred years that I need to stop with the false supernaturalism and faith stuff and follow science instead. When I read Dianetics, I realized that Scientology is the world’s only real science. That’s why I’ve joined the Sea Org.”

Church of Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion announced that new Sea Org member Jesus Christ has been assigned to Scientology’s Ideal Pacifica Base where he will work the  streets of Hollywood as a body router.

Scientology OTVIII Grant Cardone on Jesus

We in RTC applaud Scientology OTVIII Grant Cardone for his very deep and profound view of Jesus.

It comes near the very end:

Jesus Christ Scientologist

jesus-calls-wallpapers“If Jesus Christ were alive today he would be a Scientologist,” declared Scientology OT John Travolta.

“I say this because a person can be a Scientologist and still practice their own religion.”

“And since Jesus was a Christian, he could still be a Christian while practicing Scientology.”

“In fact,” Travolta added, “if Jesus had been a Scientologist back then when he, when he was alive, Scientology could have prevented his death. This is true of anyone who dies. Scientology can save anyone.”

JTLike I said in 2007, Scientology could have prevented Anna Nicole Smith’s death. Scientology could have saved Elvis, Whitney Houston, Michael Jackson. Just go down the list of celebrities who’ve died and Scientology could have saved them.”

“So basically what I do as a Scientology OT,” Travolta remarked, “what happens is that when any celebrity dies I say that Scientology could have helped them.”