Scientology Pope David Miscavige today made a historic visit to Oildale, California where he was thronged by a crowd estimated in the dozens.
“The wogs in this humble hamlet of Oildale have never actually seen the Scientology Pontiff — nor have most of them ever even heard of Scientology,” said Papal spokesman Ken Delusion. “And so it is that Pope Miscavige is bringing the message of Scientology to primitive wog towns heretofore unreached with the message of Scientology.”
Pope Miscavige performed an ecclesiastical Scientology blessing of the Kiwanis Club snack bar while his aides passed out complementary copies of the Way to Happiness.
“Pope Miscavige’s next stop will be just down the road in Weedpatch. There, he he will speak to the Rotary Club on how Scientology technology developed in the 1950’s can help farmers grow super-fantastic tomato plants,” enthused Papal spokesman Delusion.