31 December 2014
From: COB RTC David Miscavige, G.E.D.
To: Lionel Drinkwater @ Drinkwater Island
Dear Mr. Drinkwater,
I am in receipt of your letter requesting a copy of my passport in order to authenticate my identity. I certainly understand your concerns as my organizations have long been infiltrated and attacked by Psychs, SP’s, Squirrels, SMERSH, and assorted merchants of chaos for decades. Even sec checking is not a 100% guarantee of my safety these days, but I digress.
I lo0ked for my US passport and cannot find it. My passport may be in Captain Napier’s safe aboard my luxury motor vessel Freewinds; on the other hand it may be at Flag Land Base in my safe. Of course, one of my twenty-two wog attorneys may have it in one of their safes. Conversely, my passport could also be onboard Tom Cruise’s private jet.
Whereupon it becomes evident that another document is necessary. Therefore, as proof of my identity and standing in the world community I am herewith and hereby vouchsafing to your care a copy of my International Ecclesiastical Leader Passport. This document features both an official gold seal and the Religious Technology Center (RTC) device thus proving and certifying its genuineness and fidelity as an ecclesiastically legal document.
Mr. Drinkwater, I am quite happy to pay handsomely to expedite my arrival onto Drinkwater Island; what figure would be pleasing to the The Board of Directors and Trustees of the Drinkwater Island Extended Stays program? I can wire transfer the requested amount to Drinkwater Financial Services instantly from my giant pile of money. Alternately, I can pay in platinum. titanium, or gold bars.
Mr. Drinkwater, I am presently undersea aboard my Peruvian-registered submarine. This vessel is actually a WWII German U-Boat I had converted to accommodate my particular needs. I would be glad to donate this splendid vessel to Drinkwater Island upon my safe arrival into the harbor. This singular vessel has been restored and upgraded and can be used for any number of tasks.
I am in fact typing you this missive from my U-Boat via an undersea radiotelephone connection that is somehow connected to the internet by, apparently, a system of satellites owned by the Psychs.
Captain David Miscavige
The Sea Organization
Southern Hemisphere Operations
Undersea Systems Command Organization