David Miscavige Accepts Jesus as His Personal Savior

jesus-calls-wallpapersDavid Miscavige clutched a Bible in his hands. He humbly stared down at his feet and began slowly speaking.

“I am a changed man since I accepted Jesus as my personal lord and savior… I see the error of my ways, the lies, the abuse… it was all wrong.”

“I grew up in the Church of Scientology… I didn’t know any better… I didn’t know it was wrong to lie, to beat people, and to take people’s money by making them buy the same old books and trophies over and over. I am… I must confess, the hapless victim of a religious cult.”

DM,101“But now I’m a new man and I want to begin a new life.”

“I want to turn over a new leaf. My plan is to open and fund a charity to help people at the scenes of accidents. To teach children how to read….”

“Oh please! Let me stop you right there Mr. Miscavige,” said the Federal judge. “I am not swayed by your religious conversion. The court rejects your plea for clemency and sentences you to twenty-five years to life!”

“Bailiffs! Take him away!”

David Miscavige awoke from yet another nightmare, his third one in a week.

3 responses to “David Miscavige Accepts Jesus as His Personal Savior

  1. The nightmare where Miscavige is tied to his luxury bed is my favorite. There’s a platform crossing the bed just inches above his face with dark hole he is looking up onto. There are stairs leading up to the platform on both sides. Suddenly the dark hole becomes light, as if a lid was opened. He hears a man say, “You wanna go first?” and then another in an Australian accent reply, “I’ll flip you for it.” Miscavige hears that the first man wins while the other walks off the platform saying, “Quilted or unquitled?”

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  2. Do not be deceived by COB’s words. He knows the power of the Jesus implant on wog judges and gave it a shot. Unfortunately for COB, the judge was a scientologist years ago and had run that implant out.. Since it was audited under GAT I, it was natural for his legal counsel to assume that the incident was not flat and the judge would be especially susceptible to this argument. It was probably not the stupidest thing COB did in this case; that would have been not jumping bail and fleeing to a country with no extradition treaty.
    All good scientologists know that there is no better place than prison to find a person in ruin. According to sources inside the Colorado prison system, Criminon has experienced 47 X expansion since 2-25-11 – date coincident with the conviction of William “Rex” Fowler. Since the release of GAT II expansion is now 47 X the earlier 47X increase. Truely mind blowing.(http://prosecutorialrant.blogspot.com/2011/03/rex-fowler-scientologist-run-amuck.html) .

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  3. Ack! I’m having a flashback to being raised in an independent, fundamental, evangelical, patriarchal, hell fire, Bible beating, Baptist church!

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