In a sweeping legal triumph for the Church of Scientology and its supreme leader Captain David Miscavige, the administrative court of the Gorno-Badakhshan province in Tajikistan ruled that Scientology deniers are criminals and ordered them executed if they ever step foot in Gorno-Badakhshan after the 9:00 PM curfew on weekdays.
Assisted by concerned Church of Scientology attorneys, Judge Abdumalik Abdullajanov issued the ruling after being presented evidence of the high crimes of Scientology deniers against the Church and its glorious leader.
“We cannot have Scientology haters and deniers posting entheta online.”
“The court further notes that Scientology deniers failed to appear for this hearing as ordered in a note the court posted on the bulletin board last week.”
“Their contempt of this court proves their savage disregard for the rule of law.”
After the ruling was handed down, a festive party featuring vodka, small pumpkin cakes, and goat meat was held at the Hotel Kayon-2. Church lawyers presented Judge Abdullajanov with an honorary IAS status and $50,000 in American cash money to fund his personal charities.