Scientology and Masturbation

We in RTC, once again, take umbrage at the disparagement, the so-called humor,  being directed at the Church of Scientology from the  suppressive internet. This latest Joker & Degrader thinks it’s all soooo funny:

7 replies »

  1. All you gotta say is my thetan made me do it, right Dave? David Miscavige when was the last time you were sec checked?


  2. Here in the Church of Scientology, we don’t have time to masturbate, choke our chicken, pull our pork, flog our log, or even spank our monkey. Self abuse is strictly out of the question.

    Why, you may ask. Factually, it’s very simple.

    Masturbation entails fantasy. Fantasy takes one out of present time. When one slips out of present time, one loses focus on the third dynamic. When one loses focus on the third dynamic, stats start to crash. When stats start to crash, COB goes ape shit. When COB goes ape shit, people get hurt.

    Don’t let people get hurt.

    Avoid fantasy. Avoid masturbating. Avoid any type of self pleasure.

    Stay in present time focused on the third dynamic.

    Let’s keep COB happy.


  3. According to our infallible leader, the biggest problem with RTC staff is not wanking. It is engaging in the vile activity known by the abbreviation SCHB.

    Many of them dare to even perform this deed while speaking to COB, making it difficult for him to understand what they are saying. He has to tell them to remove the obstruction from their mouths.


  4. Let’s see:
    1. Miscavige is a self-centered SOB who tells everyone to go f**k themselves.
    2. Every auditor is required to ask every auditee if they have carried out Miscavige’s order.
    3. If a parishioner has carried out Miscavige’s order, they then have to pay for the privilege.

    Didn’t Jonathan Swift write about this in Gulliver’s Travels? Hmmm…..


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