Church of Scientology Public Warning to Kathy Griffin, Bunkerites, and other Jokers & Degraders

We in in the Church of Scientology are issuing a very public Christmas day warning to so-called comedian Kathy Griffin: Kathy, this must stop or else!

We are also warning the wretched crew at Tony Ortega’s Underground Bunker that they too must cease making fun of the the Church of Scientology or face the consequences.

Humor is not funny to we in Scientology. For example, the posters at Tony Ortega’s blog, the “Bunkerites” as they call themselves, are ordered to cease and desist parodying Scientology’s very distinctive superlative-laden and hyperbolic style of speaking.

Specifically, Krew13 posted the text shown below in bold. At first we in RTC thought this was an actual Church parishioner writing a success story. We only realized it was a a joke after our attorney E. Stuart Mills informed us that it was a parody:

“I went for a run down to my local grocery store. That run was the bomb! Ever since then, my life has totally changed. I’ve been able to be in present time. I’m no longer outside of the planet. I’m now in the present, past and future simultaneously and looking in from the inside.

“I write words and they contain letters. I talk to people and I can see their actual faces. When I eat, food goes down my throat because I tell it to.

“I’m 36 years old! My hair colour has changed. Because I used some hair dye. I have total control over my DVD player and what movies I put on.

“I’ve written targets which I will achieve, like eating 7 mince pies on Christmas Day. I know my wins on XBox will live in eternity in the future. Or until someone beats my score. When I read a horror novel, I know it’s Stephen King who wrote that and not me. Because his name’s on the cover.

“I’d like to thank the owners of the local store. For being open late so I can buy essentials whenever I need.”

The Joking & Degrading must stop immediately. We in the Church of Scientology have a Planet to Clear and all of this criminal J&D gets in the way.

In 2014, COB RTC David Miscavige has ordered a “Scorched Earth” offensive against all humor.

There is nothing funny about attacking the Church of Scientology.

10 responses to “Church of Scientology Public Warning to Kathy Griffin, Bunkerites, and other Jokers & Degraders

  1. Newsflash – the National Assoc. of Psychs have just announced a new “J&D” contest for 2014. This will be a monthly contest. The winners will each receive $25,000.

    Hint: Shooping of DM and LRH are especially enjoyed by the psychs, and will be given extra credit.

    Like

  2. Merry R6-mas OT8!

    Like

  3. Krew13 has correctly deciphered the secret formula for writing success stories. We in RTC may need to write Krew13 a big check to stop writing and disappear.

    If the public realizes the secret formula behind our PR and success stories the Church of Scientology could go out of business.

    It’s all in the art of Superlativity.

    This might seem obvious but it is not. It is very subtle, this because some people are gullible and vulnerable to Superlativity when it is presented as Certainty.

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  4. “There is nothing funny about attacking the Church of Scientology.”

    Sure there is! I’d post a shoop to show you just how funny–not to mention fun–it is, but you have cleverly thwarted my J&D by using a comments format which doesn’t allow it.

    Like

  5. Johnny Tank (Forever Autumn)

    How can Krew13 make fun of Scientology like that. Does s/he think that Scientology believes that going for a run can change you like that? That just sounds like something a 14 year old Russian would dream up! Crazy!

    If we are going to clear the planet by Monday we must get rid of the J&D. OK, people?!?

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  6. I’d like to suggest that COB consider instituting public hangings at Celebrity Center. That would surely put the fear of an R6 bank god into these jokers and degraders! Also it would be good for Sea Org morale to see these degraded beings receive the death that they deserve. And to realize that as their lord and savior COB holds the power of life and death over them.

    Like

  7. How about LRH’s affirmations?

    Like

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