Los Angeles Rams spokesperson Dick Slagle said the Rams organization credits Scientology’s effective tools for life and livingness with their Super Bowl win.

“Scientology taught the Rams what the Third Dynamic means and what teamwork is. We in the Rams use Scientology’s Org Board so that every member of our organization knew what his or her hat is and, more importantly, knew how to correctly wear their hats by applying 100% standard LRH Tech at the correct orders of magnitude” Slagle declared.

“The Rams trainers used CalMag, touch assists, nerve assists, and even TR’s on our coaches and players. It all came together Sunday when we defeated the Bengals and won. The Bengals lost because we were the superior team. And yet there is more to the story. The Bengals lost because their organization has hidden crimes and evil purposes.”

“The Rams invited Scientology leader David Miscavige to attend our victory parade this week, but he had to send his regrets. Mr. Miscavige informed us he is very busy diffusing the Russia-Ukraine crisis by sending in millions of copies of The Way to Happiness to the region.”

“The Way to Happiness will surely pacify the region and bring Vladimir Putin to his senses,” Slagle explained.