Scientology Supreme Ecclesiastical leader David Miscavige declared today that Facebook’s stock price collapse was due to the social media giant allowing years and decades of attacks upon Scientology.
Mr. Miscavige called upon Facebook’s humanoid CEO Mark Zuckerberg to immediately deplatform all anti-Scientologists from Facebook.
Further, Mr. Miscavige urged Facebook to turn over the names of all anti-Scientologists on Facebook to Scientology’s Office of Special Affairs for further investigation into their crimes.
“Facebook must make up for the damage it has done to Scientology!” Mr. Miscavige demanded from his place of hiding. “Scientology demands 100 pounds of Bitcoin from Facebook as penance!”