Tag Archives: Facebook

Mark Zuckerberg Apologizes to Scientology; Promises to Delete all Entheta on Scientology from Facebook

“Following a closed-door Serious Reality Adjustment Session with Scientology Pontiff David Miscavige and his ecclesiastical lawyers, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg publicly apologized to the Church of Scientology,” announced Ted Torquemada, the Chief Inquisitor of the Scientology religion.

“Mr. Zuckerberg’s change of heart, his repentance, and his promise to purge all entheta and Black PR about Scientology on Facebook was helped by the fact that a group of twelve very dedicated Russian Scientologists did some digging and found certain very unsavory information on Mr. Zuckerberg’s private habits and secret associates in what is clearly the Facebook Cartel.”

“For their dedicated work,” said Ted Torquemada, “the following Russian Scientologists in the Main Intelligence Directorate of the General Staff (Unit 74555) are very highly commended and have each received a one million dollar cash bonus from COB:

Mikhail Bystrov
Mikhail Burchik
Aleksandra Krylova
Anna Bogacheva
Sergey Polozov
Maria Bovda
Robert Bovda
Dzheykhun Ogly
Vadim Podkopaev
Gleb Vasilchenko
Irina Kaverzina
Vladimir Venkov

“Twitter be handled next by Unit 74555,” Ted Torquemada darkly intoned. “Jack Dorsey has certain… predilections… that would harm Twitter’s stock if this information came to light.”

Facebook Stock Price Hammered Due to Its Attacks on Scientology!

“Facebook shares have been hammered in the last two days,” said Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion.

“Here is the cold-blooded truth: Facebook pulled in the worst-ever single day stock market statcrash because it allowed hundreds of millions of people to attack Scientology on Facebook!”

“The only way Mark Zuckerberg can hope to save his company is by coming to his senses and removing all of the SP’s and content from Facebook that is critical of Scientology — and the same holds true of Twitter, Instagram, and YouTube!”

David Miscavige Master Class Announced on Facebook

Have you ever wanted to be wealthy, violent, and insane cult leader? Well now the Pompadoured Pontiff David Miscavige teaches you all of his secrets in a new Master Class series. Here’s just a few of the secrets in David Miscavige’s Master Class:

* How easy it is to control Tom Cruise and other deluded celebrities
* How to purge everyone who threatens you
* The Whys and Wherefores of taking all the money for yourself
* Beating your subordinates for face crimes
* How to hide behind wog lawyers
* Locking up your wife made easy

Confidential: David Miscavige Popularity Plunge! Crisis in Scientology!

WTF! According to Psych-infested Facebook, the COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige news page only has 190 followers! How can this be given the fact that the Church of Scientology has 12,000,000 members and is the fastest growing religion in the world?

Worse, the internet is now joking & degrading about this! This bigotry is an outrage! We in Scientology are the most ethical group on the planet and shouldn’t have to put up with such blatant japery as this on Twitter:

DM.FB.News.Page

Dead Cult leader David Koresh has 5x more likes than COB!

David.Koresh.FB.Page

We in RTC hereby decree that all 12,000,000 Scientologists are to give COB likes on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Encyclopedia Britannica, the