“The Perseverance rover was scouting the Marcabian between-lives implanting stations on Mars when it discovered a 75 million year old Scientology e-meter,” said NASA Rover Director Ken Delusion.

“Follow the science,” Delusion emphasized. “This discovery conclusively proves that Scientology is based on actual data, research, and real science.”

“The e-meter proves that Scientology had Orgs on Mars when the planet was habitable and had liquid water. But then there was the Great Cataclismo, the epic war in which the great and terrible Xenu destroyed Mars in the galactic war.”

“An intrepid and long-forgotten loyal officer, a real Scientologist, was no doubt fighting until the bitter end when he fell in battle. Cosmic rays destroyed his meat body, but his titanium e-meter survived to bear mute testimony to the heroism of the Scientologists who fell in battle 75 million years ago on the red plains of Mars,” Delusion reverently observed.