Chris Latvala, an eminently mediocre member of the Florida House of Representatives, has been awarded the Scientology Lap Dog of the Month for his spirited defense of Scientology.
“We in Scientology were able to get Latava to write some lame tweets attacking a journalist on our behalf. Latava got up on his hind legs and blathered on about how he is Baptist and that Scientology is also a religion and religions shouldn’t be attacked. It was a classic lapdog performance,” said Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion.
“This is why we in Scientology always keep a few of these lightweight throwaway idiot wog politicians on our payroll. Latava even spoke at one of our Narconon events in November 2020.”
“Christian fools like Latvala are so easily conned,” Delusion chuckled. “Latvala has obviously never read his Bible. This has allowed Scientology to take advantage of his weak-headed embrace of a heretical pseudo-Christian universalism wherein all paths lead to God.”
Chris Latvala was patted on the head and given a chew toy and dog treats as a reward for his obedience to his Scientology master David Miscavige.
If Latvala tweets any more favorable messages about Scientology you’ll need to mint a new freedom medal for him.
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Chris Latvala’s new Scientology medal is already being made in our one million square foot trophy factory.
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Can you also run off some “Grammy Considered” pins? My pro-Scientology YouTube singing channel viewing figures went up ∞% yesterday.