The My Pillow Guy Cracks Under Scientology Sec Checking; Admits to Placing Brainwashing & Listening Devices Into Every My Pillow Ever Sold!

MyPillow founder and CEO Mike Lindell was caught by the media plotting a martial law takeover of America. Lindell had planned to hand over the blueprints for his diabolical treachery to outgoing President Donald Trump.

Mike Lindell turned to we in the Church of Scientology for help.

As part of Scientology’s rehabilitation of a thetan, we make he or she confess to all of their crimes during a Scientology sec check on the e-meter. We sensed Lindell was withholding his crimes during sec-checking. Accordingly, we turned up the pressure and began our face-ripping Jo’burg sec check on him.

This is when Mike Lindell made an extremely shocking confession: The MyPillow guy admitted to having placed brainwashing and listening devices into every MyPillow he has ever made or sold!

Lindell confessed that the brainwashing circuit in each MyPillow transmits two hypnotic and repetitive subliminal commands into a person’s mind while they sleep:



— Lindell confessed that MyPillow brainwashing commands were the real reason Donald Trump won in 2016. This correlates to Lindell’s heavy 30% off discounts on MyPillow in the swing states during the year leading up to the 2016 election.

— Comrade Mike Lindell further admitted to being a secret Communist agent who reports directly to Vladimir Putin. Lindell admitted that MyPillow — Моя подушка — had actually been developed in a secret Moscow sleep laboratory. His story that God told him to make pillows in a dream was a fabrication which deceived untold millions of credulous people.

Thanks to Scientology sec checking, the world now knows the truth: Donald Trump was a distraction that kept the attention of Americans off the real danger: Putin’s devious plot to use Commie sleeper agent Mike Lindell and MyPillow to implant Americans into voting for Donald Trump! The real Russian election inference was surreptitiously woven into all of the MyPillows sold by the undercover KGB officer whose real name is Mikael Lindelovich. This is surely deviousness worthy of Tolstoy novel!

Lindell ended the sec check by stating that the Russians had used MyPillow profits to fund efforts to overthrow the 2020 election and pay QAnon and the QAnon Shaman. Now we know the real power behind Donald Trump was Communist agent Mike Lindell!


6 replies »

    • Thank you for reading
      We write just for you
      But others reading this may find
      Things they would argue

      We do not write what we believe
      We only give you fact
      If you believe quite otherwise
      It still will have impact

      But truth is truth and if you then
      Decide to live with lie
      That’s your concern, not ours my friend
      You’re free to fantasize

      Liked by 4 people

    • Miscavige is planning a “My Nugget” cereal brand, replete with nanotechnology implants in every bite!
      Planetary clearing is just around the corner!

      Liked by 2 people

    • @Wes Hunter
      Ad hominem
      Yum yummy yum

      I am duly impressed, nay, inspired…by your intelligent, nuanced, evidence-laden, alliterative commentary!
      It is a profoundly articulate extemporization from an Oatmeal Titan! Damn, right now, I’m gonna go get a life, for sure!

      Liked by 2 people

  1. Poor Mike keeps changing the month of when he will reveal his treasure trove of evidence. Maybe at some point he will announce that a goat ate it all.


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