David Miscavige and Tom Cruise are the two biggest beings in the universe. As such, they must be protected at all costs from the Coronavirus. For this reason, the two world leaders departed for Scientology’s remote Trementina Base for an indefinite duration.
“We had to remove all of Mr. Hubbard’s scriptures on metal plates from the underground vault to make room for COB and TC and their entourage,” said Ken Delusion.
“As everything was done a hurry-hurry emergency basis, we used forklifts to toss Mr. Hubbard’s works into a gigantic pile outside next to the electrical shed. The high winds and snow won’t hurt the gold-plated stainless steel records. We plan on eventually moving these sacred scriptures into a warehouse in Albuquerque after the snow melts and the dirt road out of here dries out.”
“What’s important is that COB and TC are now in a safe environment where they can bathe in warmed hand sanitizer each hour.”
“Scientology OT’s are invited to take refuge on The Freewinds and use their OT postulates to remain safe.”
“Mr. Hubbard has been advised by telex to remain on Target 2 for the time being,” Delusion noted. “The message should reach him in 100 light years.”