The Time Xenu Escaped from His Electronic Mountain Prison!

Due to Scientology’s International Landlord Office forgetting to renew the annual maintenance contract, the eternal battery failed on Xenu’s electronic mountain prison. The force field having collapsed, Xenu fled incarceration, stole a flying saucer, and journeyed to a neighboring planet that was fading into darkness.

Upon alighting on the dying planet, Xenu tasted freedom for the first time in 75,000,000 years.

With this taste of freedom, Xenu felt his rage of being mocked, vilified, laughed at, and, worst of all, ignored. Xenu’s anger burst forth like a supernova. Whereupon, the hideous galactic mutant fell into the valence of an angry Marcab on LSD. Xenu began to wildly fling his his own feces at the entire populace of the planet. Xenu had things to say, scores to settle, and people to kill.

But it was nothing more than a minor nuisance, nothing more than a drunk muttering to himself while walking by the side of the road. Few people noticed the decrepit tyrant whom L. Ron Hubbard had so long ago stripped of his sanity. Xenu realized that while he was free of his electronic prison, he was still a prisoner of his own rancid, feeble, and deteriorating Hubbard-mind.

As the sun set forever and the planet went into deep freeze,  Xenu realized that no one cared. Xenu felt himself plunge into a chasm of indifference. Having never formulated a Bulgravia escape plan like Ron, Xenu found himself stuck in this chasm with nowhere to go.

The Commodore watched all of this and laughed aloud on Target 2.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.