“We in Scientology are in our 20th consecutive year of a massive statcrash and the future looks grim. Meanwhile, money continues to flood into Psych coffers like crazy. COB’s CCHR smart bomb was never able to sniff out and destroy Psych funding lines,” Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion dejectedly declared.
“We in Scientology feel like saying ‘fuck it’ most days. Why are we even trying to help wogs who don’t want our help? We should just sell happy pills and change our name to Scientology Pharmaceuticals Inc.
“This strategy made Bob Duggan $3.2 billion dollars overnight. Bob made more in one day than the Church made in 65 years. It’s time for we in Scientology to change our operating basis in order to achieve an ideal scene that makes us tens of billions of dollars per year,” Delusion declared.