Tag Archives: statcrash

Budget Drastically Slashed for L. Ron Hubbard’s 2018 Birthday Event

“Due to the extreme global statcrash in Scientology’s gross income brought about by a certain suppressive television show, Ron’s 2018 birthday event will be held at Dwayne and Helen Schuman’s home in Van Nuys,” announced Dr. Frank Wonderman. “Tickets are $155 each. Please RSVP to Dwayne and Helen by March 1 so they can order sufficient cakes and pies from Theta Catering Services.”

Dr. Frank Wonderman. Supreme Scientology Finance Dictator

“As the newly-appointed Supreme Scientology Finance Dictator, I must implement harsh austerity measures such as this,” Dr. Wonderman stated. “COB has further decreed that  wasting lavish sums of money each year dramatizing Ron’s birthday is now out ethics in Scientology’s dire time of poverty.”

“COB has also announced a new monthly IAS donation plan to enable all of the dragass downstat publics in the field to give a little something each month. This monthly plan is being done to allow these DB’s to keep their exchange in with the Church.”