Real Scientologists Demand Cash Auditing Subsidies from the US Government

“Social welfare programs that give billions of dollars to poor people are bigoted and hateful because they discriminate against Scientologists,” declared the new STAND League Executive Director Mr. Ken Delusion.

“For too long Scientologists have carried the financially ruinous burden of auditing day and night to Clear this goddamned Planet,” said Delusion. “Well now it’s time for the US taxpayer to repay the debt they owe us by giving all Scientologists a 75% auditing subsidy in the form of cash payments to the Church of Scientology!”

“It’s a matter of fundamental fairness,” Delusion reasoned. “Scientologists hold the cans in long and grinding auditing sessions until their hands literally bleed; this in an effort to break the hold of the deadly R6 bank over every man, woman, and child on this agonized planet. We don’t need your thanks; but we do demand compensation for the Herculean spiritual labors we undertake on your behalf.”

5 replies »

  1. Mr. Delusion, could you get me more info on the red head with one ear ring in the lower right hand corner. She is the same person my 88 year old grand dad is sending money to so she can leave Minsk and marry him. He has no idea she is a Scientologist.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. So let me get this right here. “…it’s time for the US taxpayer to repay the debt they owe us by giving all Scientologists a 75% auditing subsidy in the form of cash payments to the Church of Scientology!”

    That doesn’t seem fair to me. I think that instead of making cash payments directly to the Church of Scientology, the cash should be given directly to the individual Scientologist. That way the Scientologist will have the joyful opportunity to then turn over their cash subsidy to a fully trained and hatted GAT II Registrar. These talented Regs have a way to make the individual Scientologist feel special as they extract every last cent from every nook and cranny of their stingy financial lives. The individual Scientologist will never have the opportunity to know about hidden sources of finance that they have in their dark and dank financial closets until they have a special opportunity to sit down with a Reg for an enlightening interview. Besides, it’s a real pleasure to turn over some cold hard cash to a Reg and knowing that your cash will be used for Planetary Clearing rather than providing a nice meal and basic shelter. Those things can be had at the local soup kitchen.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. OSA finally has the technology now to grow the COS membership base to unprecedented heights. Ken Delusion struck a full on Tone 40 pose as he gushed, “Straight up and vertical is no longer a pipe dream. This technology will unleash wave upon wave of dedicated, non-nattering , SP resistant Scientologists. These new Scientologists won’t blow and more importantly won’t appear on “The Aftermath.”


    Liked by 1 person

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