We in the Scientology Office of Special Affairs have disguised our low IQ colleague Ed Parkin as Mr. Peanut. We have done this because the real Mr. Peanut attacked the Church of Scientology during last weekend’s Super Bowl Twitter insanity.
Only haters and bigots fueled by Psych drugs would attack Scientology which is humanity’s only hope of salvation.
Therefore, while disguised as Mr. Peanut, we will have Ed commit various crimes for which the real Mr. Peanut will be arrested and imprisoned. We in Scientology are not the police but we are slowly teaching the unholy a lesson: Fuck with us and we will destroy you.