Just as the discovery of 50,000 year old fossilized e-meter shocked the world and proved the antiquity of Scientology, the latest discovery by Dr. Ken Delusion’s team of Archeo-Scientologists is guaranteed to stun the world!
After using hundreds of bulldozers and over a million tons of dynamite to clear cut over one million acres of pristine Andean rain forest, Dr. Delusion and his team today discovered an intact DC-8 spaceplane that crash-landed 75,000,000 years ago near one of the principal volcanoes of Earth.
“This is huge. Just huge,” exclaimed Dr. Delusion. “The haters mock Scientology over claims that (redacted) kidnapped trillions of people on other planets 75,000,000 years ago and dumped them into the volcanoes of Earth — which was then called Teegeeack — but our discovery of the DC-8 spaceplane proves Incident II of OT III actually happened!”
“Archeo-Scientology has far exceeded anything the Mormons have produced in their dubious archeological attempts to prove that Jesus was in North America preaching to New World Jews.”
“Yeah, right,” sniffed Dr. Delusion. “A blonde-haired, blue-eyed, white-skinned Jesus flew over from Jerusalem on El Al and preached to Jewish Incas. The guy would’ve needed a lot of sunscreen along the equator. Whatever. I don’t care so long as the Mormons let we in Scientology keep our money in their Zions Bank to conceal, err, protect it.” In related news, the Nation of Islam has applauded the work and opinions of Dr. Delusion and his team of highly trained Archeo-Scientologists.
When will $cientology archaeologists discover the cave that Galactic Overlord Xenu is trapped in?? Everyone who has read OT 3 wants to know!!
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While checking my whole track, I seem to remember leaving a Walkman on a flight about 75 million years ago and that plane looks familiar. Could you have someone check in the seat pocket of Row 24, Seat 2A? It would be a big favor.
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We checked seat pocket of Row 24, Seat 2A. We found your Walkman. Our crew chuckled about the Barry Manilow cassette tape inside the unit. Mandy, please drop by Lost and Found to get your Walkman.
Even though you carry some weight at the RTC, I have it on good authority that COB has been the Secretary/Treasurer of the California Barry Manilow Fan Club since 1974. Tread lightly when making fun of Mr. Barry Manilow and his fans. A little off topic, but COB David Miscavige is still missing his personally autographed pair of George Michael’s yellow short shorts from the Wham video “Wake Me Up.” Dave left them outside sauna #4 six years ago and would like them back. No questions asked.
Is the eternal battery keeping Xenu in loosing its power? The greatest gift io mankind is an eternal battery, and wnen it isn’t eterrnal any more Xenu comes alive.